Naughty shane warne in london

Visiting London even for 24 hours always fills me with excitement and pleasure, providing me with very fond memories of my wild party days and scandalous nights. Clearly, the recession is over since I left for views of the Indian Ocean some 6 years ago. New lavish restaurants and bars have opened up all over the place surrounded by some of the greatest architecture known to man.
Dining out is much cheaper here compared to the prices I pay back in Western Australia where a cup of coffee is $6 (£3.20) and a pint is $12 (£6.50). Thank goodness my partying days of champagne highs and hangover lows are over. My weekend escapades are now a thing of the past.

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Starting my journey from the outer London suburb of Surbiton heading towards Old Street in the city starts with the drama that is British weather. Getting ready for a day out is a hassle in itself, deciding what to wear is made almost impossible by the weather – unable to decide if I should dress for summer or winter, with rain to shine in a matter of minutes. I settle for blue jeans, an off the shoulder light grey jumper and obviously a warm jacket.
Once at the station I find myself on Easter Sunday surrounded by parents and hundreds of children on their day’s outing most likely egg hunting. They seem well behaved so I should be able to handle it – well much better than the £12.90 travel card price I have just paid, ($25 in Australian money).
My wait is only 12 minutes so I grab a coffee and a newspaper for the journey. The Sun on Sunday is the only one available to entertain me during the journey.
And entertain me it does….
The lead story makes me look like an angel as it proclaims “VOICE STAR AXED OVER COCAINE BINGE”; with another revealing “3-IN-BED CELEBS NET LINK TERROR”. (I am now officially promoting myself – someone who has done 100 porn films – from an angel to a saint – better still the virgin Mary..

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I decide to read these stories no further as to be honest its not exactly news, not for the UK anyway, and tomorrow they will be chip paper.
However, I do go on to read that Australia’s much loved icon, Shane Warne, allegedly has been bombarding a glamour model with explicit sex demands and adding selfies of his manhood. This makes far more interesting reading. Warne is an Australian legend, and has never promoted himself as Mr. Innocent – so I find it hilarious that this paper has made it such a big story.
According to the paper, Simone Toon, 24, has added her name to the long list of models who have thrown themselves at Warne, the now re-named “Sin Bowler” in order to promote their own careers and make a few quid at the same time. She complains he has a high sex drive and he’s into hot wax and the occasional whip and spank. I must confess the revelations of his mirrored ceilings and his alleged penchant for dominatrix style whipping makes me read further. Much to my amusement I must say.
I’m sorry love, but if you’re going to advertise yourself on an on-line dating site called “Seeking Arrangements” which is a site for women to avoid paying the 30% commission to their madam, what do you expect –  a marriage proposal?
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And then to top it all off, you make arrangements to head over to his house in London on your first date to drink wine, where you admit to having amazing sex. And now you complain because sex was on the menu and you’re still not married to him.
What makes me laugh more is she goes on to say “I can’t believe Shane Warne was on-line touting for sex”.
I’m not sure if you’re aware but it’s you offering yourself for sale -something which I have no bad opinion on – except that you’ve broken the golden rule by being indiscrete. Warne is only human and it’s either this site or Tinder. Seeking Arrangements is supposed to be the more upmarket of the two. Unless you have not noticed love, it’s the 21st century where casual sex is accepted openly and fetish desires are at last acknowledged as normal.  If not, maybe you need to follow the antics of those supposed pillars of society in the House of Lords.
One thing for sure is if I ever bump into Warne, I hope he offers me the same services as you received. He looks great naked on his WhatsApp pics shown in the article and with my experience so far of Australian men he sounds like a winner!
I arrive at Waterloo station in no time to see an armed guard patrol, something I have not seen for many years having lived in the most isolated city in the world. I actually feel safer there after the recent terrorist threats.
I hurry for the Northern line towards Euston where I need to change tube lines. It’s quiet so not overcrowded but I still manage to drop the newspaper on the escalator whilst organising myself. I bend down to pick it up without looking behind me first, and I find myself with my head in the crotch of the man standing behind me. I’m just waiting for the words “while your down there love” to be spoken. I look up and smile, apologise and put the paper in my bag, quickly.
Arriving at Old Street I head to The Hoxton bar and grill to meet my friend Jay Kamiraz and his companion David. Jay is better known as Mr. Fabulous having recently appeared on First Dates on Channel 4. Jay and David, are both out lavishly gay with stunning looks and everything you expect from a must have gay best friend or two. They welcome me with warm kisses on each cheek looking past my drowned rat look, gained courtesy of British weather and my 5  minute walk from the station.
We are shown to a table in the conservatory area and sit down. The waiter leaves us menus and promises us the “best roast London has to offer”. I hold my lip, confident he has no idea who we are. The expression “best roast” to someone like Jay, Dave and me needs to be used carefully as we all have naughty minds. But I have to say this place is totally worth a visit for the food, and yes the roast is delicious.

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After dinner it’s not long before Jay is recognised, which is not surprising with his hair gelled up higher than an Amy Winehouse hairdo. I love Jay and am so happy to see him get the attention he deserves. He previously won The Pride of Britain award from Prince Charles and is on the hunt for love, so if you’re looking check out Jay from First Dates on twitter.
With lunch over in the restaurant we head to the more relaxed bar/lounge area to join the rest of the revellers out on their long weekend Sunday session benders. Let me tell you the English are winners over the Aussies for once. Cricket we all have to give to Warne’s team and the way he handles his balls… however the British are streets ahead in their national sport of drinking.
It’s not long before a group of 12 women and guys sit down at the table next to us and leave me looking rather confused. I thought the umpa lumpas had arrived form Charlie’s chocolate factory. Their bright orange skin colour is burning my eyes, and my natural Australian skin tone instantly pales in comparison. They all have matching hair extensions and acrylic nails; and they literally are all the same orange tone, so it looks like a giant orange jelly mould shaking as they lean in to grab their Red Bull and Jägermeister shots all at once. Seriously, I think I have stepped on to the set of TOWIE.
By now I can hardly keep my eyes open, and it’s made worse by the fake tans beaming from the neighbouring table making me squint. I’m still on Australian time so having only been here 6 days, I decide to leave.
Jay and Dave are true gents walking me back to Old Street station in high spirits. They are out for the night to party. Hopefully the don’t ending up in too much bother, which in my opinion has as much chance as the UK having a decent summer.
I’ve known Jay for the better of 12 years and know the man on a mission mixed with Dave’s bursting personality.
I manage to get back to Surbiton before the shops close. This provides me with more entertainment than the Hoxton. Sainsbury is advertising on promotion Smirnoff fruit mixed alcoholic cocktails priced at just £1.60 per can. The shelf is nearly as colourful as the umpa lumpas I just left behind at The Hoxton.
Intriguingly, the alcoholic drinks promotion is placed next to the isle selling condoms, which are secured in security tagged cases on the top shelf and priced at £12.99 a packet… now think about it… alcoholic fruit mixed drinks are promoted and sold for pennies to the lower age bracket, which makes it very cheap to get smashed … this gives people the courage to chat up the opposite sex, get themselves a sure thing promise… they then realise they have no condoms… so they run back to the shop to grab some condoms when they realise they cost 3 times more than the 4 cans of booze that got them in this situation in the first place!!! Hopefully they have the money to buy the condoms and get the security lock taken off so they can get out the door and practice safe sex… it certainly appears questionable whether safe sex is promoted by Sainsbury’s. Either that or they are not aware that booze and sex are a match made in heaven.
Thank goodness for Superdrug next door. They are clearing their shelves of Mates Double Intensity condoms, and at the bargain price of only £0.75p for 12. I buy all the remaining packets on the shelf in the hope of bumping into Warne further up the road, with his Sin Bowler reputation I hope I have enough…
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Further on is also the convenience store, Poundland. That outfit is not in Australia, so I decide to pay it a visit while I am here. This place is amazing and a store like no other in more way’s than I could ever imagine. First I get past the massive Cadbury chocolate section, let me tell you this is far harder for me than Warne appears on his WhatsApp photos.

I move forward and get to the cosmetic section where in full view and readily available is everything a woman needs for a solo night in, and I’m talking a scene from the Bridgette Jones movie here. I am not talking beauty creams and foot soaks, I’m talking vibrating cock rings, vibrator pocket rockets, durex lubrication, sex enhancers and woman vaginal cleaners all priced at £1, yes at last this is my style shopping, trust me when I say I get way more pleasure shopping for sex items than a new pair of Christian Louboutin shoes.
I buy enough of everything to take back to Australia to last 6 months and head to where I am staying, all the while praying I do not get baggage checked when I arrive back in customs. I will have some explaining to do otherwise.

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After my long day in London, without Shane Warne, I am still able to have an exciting night in alone to beat my jetlag… I knew I missed London for all the right reasons x

Lianne Young

Online dating

WHO SAID DATING WAS EASY, ON-LINE DATING TIPS TO HELP YOU

Online dating has become the phenomenon of the 21st century and makes for some great choices of how, who, and where to date.

Long gone are the days of getting chatted up with corny chat up lines in the bars and nightclubs.

Don’t get me wrong, they still exist but very few work these days – unless they are linked to an online profile.

Oh and blind dates? You can understand why being fixed up by your friends is not appealing, especially when their idea of who suits you can be very, very wrong.

If you aren’t meeting people out and about and the very idea of a blind date gives you chills then you are probably one of the millions using online dating. Like myself.

If you are fortunate to be dating without the help of the of the Internet, then you could be one of the very few in this day and age.

Online Dating Doesn’t Have To Be Scary

Online dating can be scary if you are new to it but it’s not as horrifying as it may seem. As long as you know what you are looking for and you keep it real.

Being a 42-year-old single woman on the hunt for Mr Right, I have  gone on my fair share of dates both disastrous  and great.

Some were for fun and others were for a long-lasting relationship.

I’ve taken advantage of singles nights, mobile provider dates, “Toothing” (picking up via Bluetooth via your phone)  blind dates, Facebook dates, dating agencies and more than my fair share of online dating sites.

The First Online Dates

When the Internet first came into fashion which was literally overnight in the early 2000s, hundreds of dating sites started appearing. Some offered you your dream date whilst others promised locals looking for fun.

You can imagine just how many singletons thought they had won the relationship lottery and without having to leave the comfort of their own home!

I was fortunate to be a young adult before online dating arrived and I regularly joked with friends about being able to order my perfect man via a catalogue.

Imagine my excitement when internet dating arrived… fast forward 15 years and I am a professional online date still looking for my Mr. Right.

I have travelled the world on dates looking for love from various dating sites and had some amazing times, however I’ve also had disastrous ones I had to sit though, some I’ve even run from.

Mr Magnum PI

I remember one date where  I was swept of my feet by a distinguished Dallas lawyer . He advertised himself as 52, 6ft tall with blonde hair and had a picture to match.

He sounded sincere on the phone and after a few months of emailing he brought me a premium class ticket to Dallas so we could meet in person.

Imagine my horror when I turned up in Dallas Fort Worth airport being greeted by  a man clearly in his late 60s, maybe even 70s wearing dark shades and acting like Magnum PI – standing next to  a shiny black Porsche with the roof down.

For those that have not heard of Magnum PI, he was a well-known American actor played by Tom Selleck in the 80s.

He played the part of a man living a luxurious life surrounded by riches and was a complete ladies man, only my guy looked old enough to be my granddad.

The date lasted 2 days before I changed my flight and ran out his house while he was sleeping.

Staying Optimistic

Of course not all dates are disastrous, I would say only 10% of them and the rest have been either good, great and  some even fantastic and very memorable.

You never know, online dating could just be the key that unlocks your future happiness.

My Golden Rules

I have hundreds of stories I could write for you but they can wait, as this article is about some golden rules I advise you to follow, before taking the plunge and diving head first into online dating.

Choosing The Right Website

There are literally hundreds of websites and apps available for people looking for love or some Adult fun. It all just depends on what you are looking for.

In my personal opinion, any dating site to which you don’t have to pay to join or has no fees attached to sending or receiving messages, is not going to be providing an ideal partner.

If someone is willing to invest in a long-term relationship and has strong values in relationships, will pay the fee for his or her investment.

So if you are looking for a long-term partner bear this in mind.

Short-Term Dating

If you are just shopping around and not looking for anything serious, then phone apps such as Tinder are quick and easy and based pretty much on looks.

If you like the look of  them and they respond, then you seriously can have your cake and eat it.

Dating Profile

When it comes to dating profiles my advice is keep it real, don’t over kill with information by writing an essay.
Too much information can bore people and they will click the back button in no time.

What Do You Have To Offer?

Instead keep it about yourself, what you have to offer and what you are looking for in a relationship.

Don’t go on about wanting your ideal man to be Mr. Perfect because trust me, you are going to be waiting a long time. Instead write about you and what you have to offer.

Too many dating profiles advertise what people are looking for and not what they have to offer. Personally, I want to know what the man has to offer me before I further indulge.

I already know what I have to offer and I always make it clear on my profile. This way, it cuts out unsuitable matches. Remember it’s about them complementing you and not you changing for them.

Up-To-Date Profile Picture

The profile picture should be no older than 6 months old, and be a true reflection of how you look today.

Obviously if last week you had long dark hair and today you have short pink hair then take a new picture.

There is nothing worse than turning up on a date and realising the person is nothing like their  picture, like my date who had a picture at least 10 years old as his profile shot.

It’s just not fair and is just time-wasting for the pair of you.

Keep Your Clothes On

Another tip is to keep your clothes on if it’s the long-term relationship and the hope of finding Mr. Right (or Mrs Right) you’re after.

There is nothing worse than a skimpy dressed woman advertising herself as “a woman looking  for respect” or a guy with half-naked shots, showing off his torso on his profile saying he is looking for his princess.

Both of these spell short-lived lustful relationships. Of course if this is what you are after then so be it.

3 Decent Pictures

Instead have at least 3 decent pictures, at least 1 full length and the other of a true you at your happiest, preferably showing your eyes.

There is nothing better than being won over by a smile. Happiness and laughter are 2 of the most attractive features in a  person.

First Date Talk

Talk on a first date depends on what you are looking for but should cover several topics. You need to have a meaningful discussion on what it is you both want from a relationship and the standards you expect in the relationship.

It does not have to be a cross-examination but you need to find out if your date is fully available and what their  expectations are.

I have had several dates where men have conveniently forgot  to mention having a partner at home and on occasion, a wife and children.

If you are brave enough you can cover the subject of sex but be careful in case your date gets the wrong idea and thinks your going to put out on your first date.

If you are looking for a second date my advice is do not put out on a first date at any  cost.

Take your time as relationships should not be rushed. Ask yourself, would you drive a car without knowing its history? Probably not.

If the guy pressures you then do what I have done on many occasions and just leave.

Security And Protecting Yourself

Unfortunately not everything can be assumed 100% safe these days and online dating is often associated with negative press so please make sure you follow some golden rules.

Protect Your Personal Data

If possible set up a separate  email account for dating sites, this way you can protect all your personal data from strangers.

Never Reveal Your Address

Never reveal your address until you have met the person a few times and you are sure they can be trusted. Always meet on mutual ground such as a cafe which you both know.

I say cafe as I do recommend a first date to be coffee or lunch before commencing to a dinner date. This is because coffee or lunch are quicker than dinner and generally only one course with no alcohol involved.

It also helps you get to know the person a little before accepting an evening date and it also gives you the chance to hear one another’s expectations from the relationship.

Tell Someone Where You Are

Another golden rule is always let someone know where you are and who with in the early days.

If you want to go one step further google search your dates name and make sure they are who they say they are.

Remember dating is about having fun, flirting, butterflies in the belly, an excuse to buy a new outfit and meeting new people who compliment  you.

Enjoy it as much as possible and good luck!

Lianne Young

As well as giving pro dating advice, Lianne Young has also presented her own fitness show for SKY TV and has appeared as a regular sex consultant on major British television channels.