Why tantra will never replace porn

 

205886_257927834234008_100000503792787_1150766_1309260_nPeople often ask me whether Tantric sex could replace Pornography.

I must say, the first few times I was asked that question, I found it curious – simply because, at least on the face of it, Tantric sex and Adult Film are so different.

Generally speaking, whether you’re watching an Adult Film alone or with a partner, the objective is to achieve stimulation prior to masturbation or sexual activity. Fundamentally, it’s about a quick thrill. It’s not about taking the time for engaging and lasting love-making. In contrast, Tantric sex takes time. So, I have always responded to the question – “No, Tantric sex and Adult Film aren’t interchangeable.”

However, I have been asked the question so often that I gave it some further thought. Here are my observations.

Fantasy v reality

Incidentally, it’s really important to distinguish between the reality that is connected and engaged love-making on the one hand that is a feature of Tantric sex; and as I have made clear ion previous articles, the fantasy that is Pornography. Never, – I repeat never – see Adult Film as anything other than fantasy. There is no love, no connection – it is acting – pure and simple (okay, maybe not so pure sometimes!).

What is Pornography?

Pornography is a generic term for printed or visual material containing explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate sexual excitement. Of course, it includes pornographic movies – or Adult Film, as I prefer to call it – after all, it’s just a form of acting – as I have made clear in the past, Adult Film is about as far removed from reality as Donald Trump is (or should be) from the White House!!

What is Tantric sexuality?

Ancient Indian scriptures believe our energy levels are controlled by nine chakras (wheels) that pass along a vertical axis (straight line) through our body.

According to these scriptures, you can experience happiness, get rid of pain and emotions, or control and enhance any human emotion by activating and connecting with these chakras.

Whilst the precise means by which these chakras or energy centres work remain largely a mystery, modern studies have found evidence of the exist in the body.

Tantric sexuality is the art of activating and connecting with these nine chakras during the sexual activity, and by which you can experience sexual satisfaction on a higher level.

So, broadly speaking, you might compare Tantric sex as slow, connected ,love-making, and sex after reading or viewing Porn as a shag!

As many of my followers are aware, I used to appear in Adult Films about 15 years ago. So I am an expert in Pornography – at least in the film making side of it. And I am more about this subject than most about what it can do to enhance, as well as damage, your relationships and you personally.

Come on, let’s all admit it, we all have the desire to want someone and to be wanted by b5f497c84da40ddcb0e2b880a586cec2them – you know, really, deeply wanted. And sexual intimacy, particularly where the sexual connection is such that orgasm is achieved, is an incredibly effective way to express and fulfil that desire.

But how many of us actually can achieve an orgasm – whether every time or even occasionally? Don’t be concerned if you can’t – there is help available and plenty of techniques we can try – more of that in another article. For now, I want to explore what Tantric fans say is achievable – orgasm without physical sexual involvement with your partner.

I have to confess I’ve never have fully understood Tantric – hey, I’m a busy girl! But I’m pretty sure I’d been close to what I think the Tantrists are talking about. Seriously, I was so closely connected a few times with one great sexual partner that I would nearly achieve orgasm during foreplay – through kissing and touching – even by giving him head! Amazing!!

However, as I understand Tantric, kissing and foreplay are out-of-bounds. So, how do I explain my connection with my partner – is it simply that I find him a turn on?

I remember one time I met a female Tantric teacher. I was doubtful when she told me she would be able to make my partner achieve an orgasm without touching him. I think she was a little surprised when I took her up on the offer. She probably didn’t realise I am a highly sexualised person who has lived a life of plenty and knows pretty much everything there is to know about sexual performance. I just wanted to see how Tantric worked.

So I booked in my partner for what I described as an early birthday present. Off he went, and I arranged to meet him afterwards. I just couldn’t wait for a full down-load, so to speak! Seriously, I wanted to know every little detail.

I had no issue buying him this sort of gift – why should I – it’s not actually love-making – it doesn’t even involve sex in the physical way we know – surely, it’s no different to him watching an Adult Film – or is it?

I met my partner afterwards and he looked at me a little strangely. He said he was a little surprised that I had actually sent him somewhere to achieve an orgasm – and with someone else! So I explained,hey, he knows I’m a little different in my attitudes to sex, and I really I wanted to know if Tantric actually worked. He said he didn’t even get an erection, let alone an orgasm. He added that he really tried to get into but that it just did nothing for him. So, for him, it was a no-go

img_0209Another Tantric teacher I met was quite fascinating. She was bit wild sexually. And she told me she swore by Tantric. She added that she holds classes regularly. I asked her to explain it, and why it hadn’t worked for my partner. She told me it’s all in the mind – about relaxation and being in touch with yourself and your partner. She outlined some of the techniques she uses – setting up the room – setting the mood etc… I must admit that’s when she lost me. I’m just too damned excited and turned on to stop and say right at the critical time – hold on a bit honey, I just have to set the room up right – oh, and sorry to spoil the moment but can you take a relaxing bath before we do the business! GIOd, we’d both be asleep by the time he had finished!

But sex is important, and I’m an open-minded girl, so I decided to persevere and look into Tantric further.

So what is involved in Tantric sex – well, it’s complicated

Tantra is a set of techniques used all over the world to deepen intimacy and increase passion and communication in a more open and authentic way, it also said to provide a spiritual engagement.

It is believed it goes back 5000 years ago, and views sex and orgasm as heightening spiritual awareness.

Apparently, you need to use breathing techniques to relax and clear your mind to be able to achieve that heightened state of awareness, after which you can achieve orgasm. Hell, if that’s all it takes, I’ll give it a go”

So I’ve tried all this. But I just can’t get sexual images out my mind when I’m horny so I’m at a loss for sure.

Damn, if only I could concentrate on my breathing when I’m horny, then I would be able to spread the so-called orgasmic energy you’re supposed to feel all over my body, including to my erogenous zones. Damn, if I could only do that, I’d bottle and sell it for a fortune!

How about Porn sex – hell, it’s simple

Porn has been around thousands of years.

Just as many women and men use Pornography to enhance their sex lives.

I assume this is because they can learn some techniques from it. I guess they can also be stimulated quicker and that helps them achieve orgasm.

It’s also about be able to see it rather than feel it. Watching is easier than running a bath and setting the room. With Porn you’re watching it because you’re in the mood and because you are relaxed enough with your partner to do so.

No need for setting up rooms – no need for hot baths – just switch on the TV and throw in a disc – watch the stars do their stuff – get horny – jump into bed (or wherever) – bingo!!

The Tantric O – dear

Apparently, the orgasm is a fringe benefit in Tantric, but it isn’t everything.

Hell, this is starting to sound like one of those cheap TV ads – I thought Tantric promoted itself as the sure-fire way to the too-good-for-words orgasm.

So I read on.

It seems Tantric is also supposed to deliver smaller, quicker orgasms for women. Sounds good – what’s next?

Well, there’s a set of guidelines you need to follow. Here goes…

IMG_4230-2First, you’re supposed to create a sacred place for love-making and awaken your senses with oils and flowers or scented candles. You can also include sensual fabrics like silk. Fine. Tick that one-off the list!

Then, after this is all set up, you have to shake yourself alive, put on your favourite music and stand with legs hip width apart, relaxing your body and breathing in and out all the way to your belly button – just like with yoga. Shake all your limbs for at least a minute. Lie down and invite your partner into the bedroom. By now, you should have opened up all the channels that have been holding tension … oh yeah – there’d be loads of tension if I had stopped my partner just as he was getting horny to say go stand outside the room while I shake myself off like a wet dog!

Next up is more breathing while sitting on the floor or bed with your partner. The female on the male’s lap is an option – it seems.

Then close your eyes and use your imagination to follow your breathing. Start rocking like , moving forward as you inhale and back as you exhale. Then look into your partner’s eyes lovingly gaze, and rock together. Sorry, I think they’ve already invented this – it’s called dancing!

Sorry, back to the guidelines! Apparently, this will lead to a deep connection that will blow your mind… or maybe blow your back if you’re not careful….

Finally, you can have the Tantric kiss – thank god – you’ve scored at last! Oh dear, there’s more. Whilst in the same position, you start rocking together as you inhale and he exhales. As he breaths out you will or should discover your breathing each other’s breath deeply down into your body, including your sex organs……

Then you can kiss and share your breath together as one, and you don’t need intercourse as you will feel that you have merged as one.

Hmmmm. So, where’s the O?

In all honesty, if my partner and I had to breathe into each others’ mouths and sit like that for more than about 30 seconds, we’d both say bugger this & go from rocking to shagging.

The Porn O

As a retired Adult Film star, trust me when I say I find it impossible to watch porn now.

I just don’t see it the same way as I did before I entered the movie business. Yes it was 15 years ago, but once you know all the facts behind it, then you kind of do start using your mind a lot more.

shutterstock_74563099No, not in tantric terms although I am very present in the moment when having sex with my partner. I don’t think about that new pair of shoes I want to buy like I used to whilst I was performing for the camera. Making an Adult Film takes far longer than Tantra let me tell you!

Orgasms are easier and quicker to achieve watching Porn.

You can also pretend to be a different character whilst enjoying sex.

The end of virtually every Adult Film ends with an orgasm – so you already know where this is going – unlike Tantric.

The very best thing about watching Adult Films with your partner is just that – the fact you have a strong enough bond that you watch it together at all. Well, okay, the second best thing after the orgasm – after all why do you think it’s nicknamed Porn-O

Achieving orgasm through porn is different from Tantric. It’s much easier to achieve orgasm through physical sex – something most sexual beings desire – and whether or not you achieve orgasm.

I don’t think Tantric will ever replace sex. But there can be no harm in giving it a try – pretty much anything you and your partner (or you alone) experiment with makes your sexual relationship stronger time when you have the time.

Just keep it real guys, and don’t for moment confuse Porn sex with love-making!

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