It’s okay to be unsure about your sexuality.Hey, we have all faced uncertainties regarding our sexual preferences.
And at some point, you may come to the realisation that you’re gay or bi-sexual. And that’s fine too.
Of course, realisation of sexual orientation is a major turning point in anyone’s life. And, as with any major life change, you can expect to progress through a number of stages to deal with that change.
After experiencing many failed relationships over the years, I started to question my sexuality. I asked myself many questions such as – “Do I fancy women? Do I have urges for women? Do I fantasize about being with a woman?
I have slept with women on several occasions. I have done so in both my personal and professional life. And, yes, I really enjoyed the experience. But I needed to know if it was something I could do on a long-term basis.
Sleeping with another woman, either alone and with a male partner, is a common female fantasy. I have NOT encountered one person who has said it had never crossed their mind. Many couples talk about including a third-party in their sexual relationship – whether as a one-off experience or on a long-term basis.
I once had a partner who asked me constantly to have a threesome with another man and him. It drove me nuts. About 1 month into the relationship, I agreed to do it on te condition that I chose the guy.
On the appointed night, we had arranged to meet at a local bar
before heading back to my partner’s house. After more drinks, it we moved to the bedroom. I enjoyed the look of delight and arousal on my partner’s face as I kissed the other guy. And, yes, I also enjoyed kissing a semi-stranger – who wouldn’t?!
After a time, I took a breather and asked my partner to turn off the. And this is where my plan was revealed! Unknown to my partner, the guy I had chosen was more into men. He had agreed play along with me to teach my partner a lesson.
With the light off, I turned to kiss my partner. At the same time, our new friend went down to give my partner a blow-job….. or, more accurately, he tried to.
My partner jumped away and exclaimed, “I’m not into that, mate” ; to which I replied, “Oh, I am”…
Yes, it was bloody pay back time for my partner making me feel almost every single day that I was not good enough for him in the bedroom. Needless to mention, I heard nothing more from him about threesomes!
One day, after many weeks of thinking and reflecting on my experiences with both men and women, I decided the time had arrived for me to find out my true sexuality. As I have said, on several occasions in my younger, wilder days I had participated in some girl-on-girl action, and I had enjoyed it. Now, I felt I also needed to discover if there was a possibility I could prefer dating women.
Pink Sofa is a dating site specifically for women looking for women – whether you are just looking for fun, experimenting, or after a full on relationship. And, to be honest, I found the site more real and open than a lot of other sites, gay and straight, that I have used – and I’ve used a few!
I wasn’t looking for an exclusive or full on relationship. I was not really sure what I was after. I think I just wanted to know what my true sexual preference was, and what type of woman I was attracted too. I decided my type of woman would have long, light brown or dark blonde hair, natural boobs and a toned, slim body.
I clicked on a few profiles and came across the profile for a stunning woman. She was half Australian and half Brazilian. She was married but looking to explore her own sexuality, just like me. We exchanged messages and agreed to meet for a coffee.
The meeting was not about sex. It simply was to see how we got on. Exploration and discovery of your sexuality is not solely about the physical sexual side of things. The emotional side is a big factor also.
You might be thinking surely I would know if I prefered men or women. But think about it. How could I when I had never tried to have an emotional connection with a woman in the sense a potential, physical relationship. I wanted to know if I could. I just wanted to know if I could feelings for a woman as naturally as did with a man. If it felt natural, my life would change. And I would accept that and change my life accordingly.
I thought for a moment – if I had discovered I was gay, would it mean I had to “come out” to everyone I know? I concluded, no – after all, I had not walked around telling everyone I was straight. So, why would it be any different if I was gay! In any event, the question was only academic because I would have no problem in telling people I was gay anyway.
We met for coffee. She was really attractive, and had a great figure and a stunning
accent.She was better looking in real life than in her profile pic, which for dating sites is very unusual. After talking and much discussion about our lives and why we were both on the site, we realised we were simply experimenting to explore how we would feel about dating someone of the same sex.
These sorts of journeys of exploration can be overwhelming. It was a relief realise I was not alone.
As it happens, we both realised that we were not gay, and that the emotional connection was more friendship than relationship. We remain friends to this day.
The most important thing I learned from the experience is that if I was gay it would not be a problem. I would happily accept the new me. This just means loving yourself for who you are. I have many gay friends, and my own daughter is gay.
My advice is that if you are gay, just be yourself. Accept it. You don’t need anyone’s permission to be who you are. It’s your choice. It’s your life.
If you need to learn more about your sexuality, start reading and contact many of the support groups available online or in your town. Start learning the lingo, exploring your body, and exploring the things that turn you on. It’s natural to be gay.
Above all be proud of who you are. It means you’re being honest with yourself and that’s the most valuable gift you can give to yourself and those who love you.