Pussy Galore

lap-dancing-largeSurely, everyone knows that lap dancers and the clubs in which they operate are just after your cash. Really, does anyone out there really think otherwise? Yet the Sun last week published an article about how men are being conned by a London lap dancing club, ‘Spearmint Rhino’. Seriously, how can this be such a big story? It happens every day, and it has been for years. Lap dancing is one of the oldest tricks in the book of cons.

And lap dancing isn’t about to end any time soon just because a rag like the Sun publishes an article that questions the integrity of these sorts of establishments and its workers. Yeah, that’s right. The chances of lap dancing being stopped are about the same level of the IQ of the drunken idiots who get taken for a ride by these clubs and girls – very low indeed!

Having said that, unfortunately, it seems there are any number of men out there who have no idea how much of their hard-earned they will part with in a single encounter with a lap dancer – or, more accurately, they either just don’t care or are thinking with the wrong part of their anatomy – their dick, not their brain!! My advice is to get hold of the bank statement before the wife does! Especially if they end up with a £7,500 bill turning up on it like the poor bastard at Spearmint Rhino!

You may be surprised to learn that I wouldn’t have a problem with my partner visiting a lap dancer, but only if he’d told me about it first and invited me along. Seriously, I have no issue with it, provided it’s all honest and above-board. Having said that, if he was my man in the Spearmint Rhino case, I’d have killed him for spending so much money without me being a part of it!

But back to lap dancers. Seriously, this industry is renowned for targeting weak individuals who fall for the affection a half-naked women. Hey, we all know women have been using their bodies for centuries to get what they want. I don’t have a problem with that at all. Again, provided it is an open transaction between consenting, competent adults.

What makes this particular story interesting is that one punter has successfully sued Spearmint Rhino and achieved an out-of-court-settlement after alleging he was “taken advantage of during his drunken state”.

maxresdefaultAre you serious?! Let me get this straight! A guy gets pissed and horny in a lap dancing bar, has a session with one of the girls he went to see there in the first place, spends a load of dough on said girl, and THEN claims he was taken advantage of!!! Seriously! WTF! It looks like the UK is getting as bad as the US when it comes to ridiculous law suits being brought by idiots who cannot or will not take responsibility for the consequences of their own actions. In this case, we are now seeing that people can sue for their drunken behaviour. Where will it all end? I can see lots of claims such as for allowing one to buy porn over the internet, webcam bills, credit card charges for visiting an escort and so on.

In fact, that reminds me, a few years ago, the Speaker of the Australian House of Representatives actually charged his visits to escorts to his Parliamentary credit card account and then fought vigorously to justify them as legitimate expenses! I suspect he claimed the pressures of his work in Parliament led to him need some form of stress relief!! A classic case of not taking responsibility for one’s own actions.

Trying to claim damages from an establishment when you are drunk and thinking with your cock rather than your head is just as ridiculous. What a load of bullshit. This should never be allowed. Men know exactly what happens in these places and should take everything that follows after entering them at their own expense. If you can’t control yourself and don’t want to pay the piper, don’t go into a lap dancing bar!

In a previous life, I worked behind the scenes at the opening of the first lap dancing bar in Bristol, “Club Creame”. I helped with the PR, recruitment and management of the dancers. Even if I say so myself, I was brilliant at my job. I knew the laws. I knew the rules of lap dancing clubs. And I knew how to keep girls in line. I took on the role with all guns blazing. I just couldn’t wait until we opened; nor could the ladies who had auditioned from all over the country to be part of the new South West of England club.

On the opening night, I had everything sorted right down to the well-managed guest list and music tracks; not to mention the champagne sponsor who had kindly donated cases of the stuff for the evening. I was right in my element. The club opened bang on time, guests arrived on queue, and the red-roped-off VIP section looked fantastic. And, of course, the curtained-off area for the more intimate dances were all sorted.

In fact, everything was running smoothly up until I decided it was time that I could relax and share a champagne or twenty with some of my friends I had invited along. Once again, alcohol and me made for a poor mix. In no time I was hammered and decided I wanted to get naked. I wanted to be the centre of attention. Unfortunately for the girls, I was happy to do so for nothing. Needless to say the owner of the club was not impressed and fired me that night!

My next experience of lap dancing was more positive. I stayed clear of the drink and focussed on making money. I was never suited to lap dancing. I was definitely more of an action girl. I could act on camera doing the adult movies. However, lap dancing left me sexually frustrated. The rule about not touching was there to protect the punter from me, not the other way around!  My opening line to punters was always – “do you want a £1o dance or a £20  dance? When asked what was better (told you men were stupid in lap dancing clubs), I responded the £20 pound one, of course, in so many ways. The £10 pound dance got you 3 minutes of one track song with me dancing about 2 ft away and not really covering too much; whilst the £20 dance had me dancing over you and talking filth in your ear while doing so – a guaranteed erection pleaser! Men just couldn’t resist a woman dancing on them and talking dirty filth at the same time. I made a packet! When the other girls complained that punters only wanted lap dances from me, he took it upon himself to find out why. Afterwards, he simply shook my hand and said well done, “that’s the best dance I have ever had”. That’s how easy it is to make money from lap dancing. Although I only danced for a couple of weeks as I was more an action kind of woman as mentioned above. I found teasing someone else far too frustrating!

I have also been on the receiving end of a lap dance! Personally, I love lap dancing clubs. I think they are great entertainment. I haven’t asked him, but I suspect my present partner hasn’t even been to one. So, I can feel the naughty Lianne may need to come out soon and drag him along for some excitement. Although I’d better check with him first – maybe he has more experience than I sometimes give him credit for. I must admit, sometimes he does very pleasantly surprise me!!!!  In any event, I will certainly treat him better than a previous companion treated me in this context.

Tao-Las-Vegas-Vip-Passes-and-packages-girl-on-girl-lap-dance-500On that occasion, I was shattered after a flight from London to New York to meet someone who owned a school for “squirting” – yes, I mean the vaginal kind! I was there to learn how it worked. I had tried many times in porn movies but had never achieved it. My companion had been trying for ages to convince me that I could do it. On this visit, he was right, it worked! He had also told me he had to fly back to California the next day….so I was to be left alone in New York for a few days…. bastard…

I was over the moon he had finally taught me the technique that had eluded me for so long, and I was in a mood to celebrate. His leaving me on my own was rather disappointing. So, the night before he left, I told him I wanted to go out that evening. He adored women and suggested a lap dancing club. Hell yeah, I was game. I was also happy to help girls make money from him since he used to boast about how much he made.

In the club, I made it clear to a couple of girls that I was happy for them to touch me. Of course, I knew I touching them was out the question. I told them the guy I was with was happy to spend as much money as they wanted to charge him. They suggested we take a private room. Of course, I agreed. The room with two girls cost $2,000. Of course, they also ordered fine champagne by the bottle at a further cost of $10,000. In the course of dancing, they would ‘accidentally’ get their knickers wet from spilled champagne, and that added $100 a time. I’m sure they had around 5 pairs each, so that totalled another  $800 to the bill. And, of course, continuous dances for the pair of us for 2 hours added another $3000. I think the whole bill came to around $16,000! He had to pay it, of course. And it served him right for saying he wanted to go to a lap dancing bar and entertain me no matter what the cost! Leaving me alone in New York cost him dearly.

My point is, everyone knows the rules about lap dancing bars. They are about the girls and the establishment making money. And they will use every means possible. So if you do visit a lap dancing bar, don’t complain afterwards about the cost! Seriously, it’s like Brexit all over again – you know, asking the country to vote at a referendum whether or not to stay in the EU, and then asking them to vote again when you don’t get the answer you want! Seriously guys, toughen the fuck up, accept the situation, have a drink and get over it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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