Say it as it is.. Tuesday

 

Lianne

My husband and I have been married for 20 years but have not had sex for the last 5 years. I am going out of my mind and I feel unattractive and unwanted. There is no response from my partner even when I try. I am 40 and he is 60 and we met when I was 20 when I thought the older man were amazing. We have two children aged 14 and 12.

I feel like my life is just weltering away and I am going to be stuck at home in this relationship with no happiness or satisfaction.  I have asked him what’s happening and he says nothing, he says he just does not desire it anymore. I don’t want to hurt the children but I don’t think I can stay for much longer. I’m scared I will have to start all over again, have no money and with place to live. I just don’t know what to do. What would be your suggestion?

Hayley

 

Hayley thanks for your email.

There is a common phrase I use called “school gate syndrome” where couples stay together until the kids leave home.

Five years is a long time to go without intimacy at any age, no wonder you have low self-esteem! You have tried your best to talk with him and he said he is not in the mood, what about you? What about your needs? Remind him there are two people in a relationship, not one.  

It sounds like you have no choice but to take control of this situation. Tell him you need to talk at time when you can be alone and use this time to explain that you’re not satisfied and are wanting to get the relationship back onto an intimate level to save your relationship. If he still says he is not interested ask if he will see a doctor with you, there maybe an underlying medical problem.  If it’s because he’s not in love anymore ask if you can work at it, if not then you have to accept it is over. I understand you are worried about the children and how separating will upset them, but you will be surprised how well children pick up on their parents not being happy. It may be that they want you to be happy and will understand.

What’s important is that you decide sooner rather than later so that the kids are not confused, they need stability, it’s important that no arguing or resentment is expressed by you or your partner in front of them. Think positive, you both have made two amazing children. You’re the one making the effort to mend the relationship, if he says it’s over accept it and concentrate on yours and the kids happiness. 

 

Lianne

I need your advice, my former partner had a huge penis and I have coped remarkably well but I seem  to be out of practice now and have recently started a sexual relationship with a new guy who has a surprisingly large one!  I have a good blow job technique but I have totally forgot how to deal with pleasuring a guy with a big one without gagging. It’s a problem as I enjoy doing it and want to do it again.

Emily

Ah your out of practice but you sex drive is high, this is great. I want to say ‘its like falling off a bike, you just need to climb back on’ , but its your mouth not penetration we are talking about. Sorry I just had to say that.

My advice is to remember it’s not because of the size, you have done it before and can do it again. Breathing through your nose well you pleasure him with your mouth is the answer. You need to use your swallow reflex well pleasing him,  this will automatically tell your nostrils to take over and breath.

The best position for doing this is to lie on your back with your head over the end of the bed, position your head so  your neck is supported. This will make it a perfect angle for your mouth and his penis to be in alignment. Ask him to enter your mouth slowly, when the head is at the back of your throat perform a swallowing motion so your throat grabs his penis. This will build up saliva which will make it more lubricated and easier to swallow him. Enjoy!

 

Lianne

My partner has cheated on me before and now he is going away on a lads week-end away. I’m so worried what he will get up to. We are both 25 and we have great sex, he’s really experienced, a lot more than me. Im really concerned and its eating me away and I cant sleep at night knowing that he will say nothing has happened,  but it most likely has. How do I make him not be unfaithful?

Beca

 

Beca, you have made your mind up he has cheated again before he has even gone! This is not healthy for you or right for your relationship. You say he cheated  on you before and you have moved on from then,  I dont think you have and you still don’t trust him. If this is the case you need to be honest about it. For a relationship to work you need trust and honesty. If you can’t trust him and he is not helping you to feel secure then you need to get out of the relationship. It takes two people working togeather to recover from adultery and its not easy, it also takes time. 

It’s unfair on both parties to stay in a relationship without trust as you both deserve to be happy and feel confident in your relationships. Relationships involve two whole people, not to halves so if your not whole then you cant ask someone else to fill the gaps. Hes hurt you and maybe you will not recover, many dont. What you cant do is repeatidly let it affect your life and keep reliving it, it will destory you.

Set up a plan of action with him, such as time he will call you and set boundaries for while he is away. If he breeches them, then you leave. If he does not then you have to respect it was a one off episode from a young man and work on moving forward. Trust is hard to rebuild so be honest and ak him to be the same. I hope this helps.

Good luck x

 

 

Fitness Fridays

 

FB_IMG_145801098375810 years ago I was overweight and unhealthy. Like nearly everyone, I found it easy to find an excuse not to exercise – “I don’t have time,” I have the kids”, “I have no gym kit”, “I’m tired”, “ I can’t afford it” and “I’m in pain” etc….  Yes, I’ve used all of them, and then some. I was working in media at the time and the world was my oyster – invitations to parties and events nearly every night, hangovers 3 times a week, poor diet and with no motivation to change.

Looking in the mirror one day, I realised I had to do something about what I saw, and fast. So, I decided to turn my back on my wild escapades. I got into fitness. In no time, I was a much slimmer size 10. It was not easy to begin with but it changed my life for the better, and forever. I became the happier and healthier me.

There is no excuse not to look after yourself these days. There is a fitness regime to suit everyone. The only person stopping you getting fit is you. If you want a healthier and longer life, you have to accept it’s not going to fall into your lap. You have to work for it. I am true believer that fitness is one of the best ways to improve your overall life, in particular your confidence, sex life, moods and long-term mobility. I also understand how hard it is to get motivated and find the energy to work out. But I can assure you that if you do, you will feel amazing. Exercise is better than anti-depressant or pain killers.

Below are some tips on ways you can work out despite pain, lack of money and with babies.

PAIN AND EXERCISE

Our natural response to pain is to do as little as possible. What people need to understand is that exercise can help manage pain and help you recover. Pain comes in different forms. Acute pain tends to be short-term and associated with injury to the body such as a sprain, bruising and swelling. It will usually settle once healed and can take anything up to 3 months. As the term suggests, Persistent pain lasts longer and is often unrelated to a specific injury. This type of pain is often more to do with the central nervous system and not an injury.

Tackling pain problems with exercise needs to be done in conjunction with a professional such as a physiotherapist. It also requires a balanced approach to rest and exercise. Physiotherapy is of great benefit with most pain, in particular back, joint and muscular pain. Professionally guided, balanced exercise will help you sort out your problem in most cases. If you do have an injury, whether either acute or persistent, the worst thing to do is to stop being active completely.

Walking can be used to burn calories as well as provide general conditioning to your cardiovascular system. If walking hurts, try a cross trainer or swimming. 

Swimming is excellent exercise when you are otherwise impaired by pain because it has no impact on the joints and limbs, allowing you to keep working on your cardiovascular fitness whilst managing or recovering from the cause of your pain. Pool walking is also an excellent alternative if you can’t swim, as it also has reduced impact whilst providing  resistance.

Weight training also helps with pain management. However, it needs to be done at the correct intensity and with appropriate professional guidance. Weight exercises help keep joints and muscles healthy, and promote healing in soft tissue including muscles, ligaments and tendons.

Pilates and Yoga are great for stretching and flexibility. They are best done under instruction from a qualified instructor. There will be plenty of classes available near you. Make sure you introduce yourself to your instructor as a new member when you first go to a class, and let them know if you have any injuries or pain

If you are in pain, don’t stop exercising unless you have been told to by a qualified professional. If you are recovering from an injury, then clearly, intense and contact sports like football, rugby, sprinting and tennis are not good choices. Try low impact training until you are recovered.

FREE TRAINING 

Achieving the health benefits available from exercise is easier than you might think, and it need not cost an arm and a leg. Just 150 minutes of physical activity a week is enough to keep you feeling fit and healthy. If the gym is not your thing, there are many low-cost activities you can do on your own and that can get you in shape.

Walking is one of the best forms of exercise. It’s cheap and accessible to everyone. Increasing the distance you walk is easier than you may think. You can make it a social affair by walking with a friend or joining a local walking group. The average person can burn up to 400 calories by walking 10,000 steps in a single day.

Home exercises are simple to do and get you into shape. They can help you burn fat from your abdominal section, hips and bum. And they don’t need to burn a hole in your wallet. Invest in a skipping rope. Skipping is how boxers train and is fantastic for overall fitness and fat loss. Try 10 sets of skipping x 2 minutes each, with rests of 1 minute in between each set.

There are many free apps available to download such as Myfitnesspal and Bodyspace. They have thousands of free workout routines for beginner, intermediate and advanced levels. The Bodyspace app can also help motivate you with weekly email, discounts and supplements information.The app even records your workouts, so you can challenge yourself. Add me and I will help you stay focused!

Running and jogging makes more demands on your body than walking, so if you’re just starting out you should build up the speed and duration of your runs gradually. If you’re thinking of taking up running for the first time, or if you have been inactive for a while, make sure you invest in the right running shoes for your weight and foot shape, and be sure to warm up before you run and stretch after.

Cycling is an aerobic exercise, and works your lower body and cardiovascular system. If you plan to cycle regularly, make sure your bike is the right size for you, and that the saddle and handlebars are adjusted to suit your height.  As with jogging or walking, you can make it a social activity by riding in group.

Swimming is the third most popular type of exercise after walking and running. Swimming exercises the whole body, and is a great way to tone up and get trim. Doing even a few lengths involves most of the muscle groups. If you increase the pace, you’ll get an aerobic workout, too. Swimming can also help you lose weight if you swim at a steady and continuous pace throughout the session. You could join a swimming club or sign up for pool workout sessions, such as aqua aerobics. If you are on low-income or any kind of benefit you can claim a free pass for your local council swimming facilities if you produce a doctor’s note. A quick trip to the doctors saying you want to get fit can get you free access to exercise.

For free and cheap gym deals go to:

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/deals/cheap-gym-membership#free

Exercise doesn’t need to cost an arm and a leg.

EXERCISE WITH BABIES

Finding time to exercise when you have young children is a challenge but not impossible. Exercising may be the last thing you want to do if you lack time and have children. But you should and can make it a part of both your and their lives. Exercising with your children makes you a good role model for them. If you build the foundations early, there is a better chance fitness will become a part of your children’s lives.

Many new mothers complain of being too tired and stressed to exercise. To the contrary, you need to understand that exercising will give you more energy and feel less tired and stressed.  There are many ways of training with a pusher and is a great way to socialise with other mums.  Why not form or join a group with other mums in the same situation as you.

Schedule a workout time in your local park where you can take the pram with you and include the children. Their body weight is ideal for doing squats and lunges whilst making it fun for both of you. Jogging with the buggy is a fantastic way to keep your child entertained and get yourself fit at the same time. Exercise gear like skipping ropes, balls and hand and leg weights can also be carried under the buggy.

You only need to 30-60 minutes to exercise effectively. All you really need is the will to get fitter, refreshments and a changing bag, and you are set to go. Even walking uphill with the buggy is a fantastic workout for cardiovascular and muscle endurance training. It works the biggest muscles in the body, the quads and hamstrings.

If you can’t find 30-60 minutes to exercise in one go, then try splitting it up over the day. For example, you could do 3 sets of 20 lunges every hour; or run up and down the stairs 20 times.

There are so many full body workouts that can be done at home. And lots of advice and contacts can be found online by simply typing mothers outdoor training groups.

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August 27th is ‘I am team GB’ in some areas. It’s a day to try out a new fitness class or attend a gym for free. Brought to you by The National Lottery and ITV, you should have a gym near you. Check out ‘I am Team GB’ on facebook and online.

 

 

 

Say it as it is

 

 

I have recently started exploring the world of BDSM and in particular CBT. I like to be dominated by a strong woman and I want to tell my partner. However I am 99% sure she will freak out, knowing her the way I do

Is BDSM something you are experienced in? Is there anyway of getting this to a win/win outcome, or do you think I should keep my fetish to myself.

Shane

 

Yes Shane, I do have experience in CBT (cock and ball torture) which is covered under BDSM (Bondage, Discipline,Sadism and masochism). Castration is also a name some readers will associate with.

There is right way and a wrong way for opening up to your partner about any fetish you may have, particularly anything considered kinky. One thing  I do NOT recommend is hiding your sexual desires, this can put risk on the relationship and form a significant lack of your own sexual fulfillment. It’s also not healthy to have a lack of communication in a relationship.

One thing I have discovered over the years is that few people really understand the world of BDSM and any of its sub-categories such as CBT.  I suggest starting the conversation asking her if there is anything new she wants to try in the bedroom. Make the conversation about her.

Whatever you do avoid rushing to reveal the graphic details involved with CBT and do NOT think about asking your partner to participate or start experimenting the first time you talk about it. You have to remain calm and explain to her that your happy in the relationship. Start the conversation with something related to something that’s happened previously during sex such as: “That night we had sex and I never came really tuned me on”, this way you can suggest asking her to try it again.

(If you have have not been in this situation, it may be good sitation to play out, this way you could see her true reaction).

Explain that CBT is perfectly safe and is about mental, not sexual satisfaction. Reassure her that she does not need to try it right now but you would like her to consider it at a later date well informing her its about her being in control.

Choose a time and setting with no distractions. If she is negative it could be nerves and you need to understand she is hearing something out of the ordinary, try not to be put off. If her reaction is non responsive maybe follow-up with a conversation at a later date then use this as your opportunity to ask her what she thinks.

Remember, its her choice to be able to choose and you have to remain positive and leave it alone if she asks you to. Whatever you do make her feel comfortable and under no pressure, you can return back to the conversation at a later date if she is not willing to hear it right now. You have to respect her wishes.

Sexual desires can not just be shoved aside and put to the back of a drawer, so you need to have the conversation. Based on her answers you can make a decision of how you fulfil your needs.  You may be surprised that she also has fantasies of her own she may want to try.

 

Lianne, I have been really stupid and having been been caught messaging men on line behind my partners back. He broke into my Facebook account and found sexually suggestive messages between me and a couple of guys and he has gone mental. He has accused me of being unfaithful and has started calling me a slag and worse names. I was only messing around on line and it never meant anything. I have never met any of the guys and have it has only been through messages. I have never said I wold meet them. How do I convince my partner I am not being unfaithful?

Emma

 

Emma, have you considered that the messages have really hurt your partners feelings? Relationships are built on honesty and trust, how can you think messaging strangers online is not betraying you partner in any way. Online infidelity hurts just as much as physical infidelity. You say your partner broke into your Facebook account which suggest to me that he has a reason for feeling you were up to something. However, this still gives him no right to enter your personal account.

Trust issues have been broken in a big way from both sides.Your partner trusted you until this happened and now you have to provide an explanation of why you done this. If your happy in the relationship but lacking attention from your partner then tell him and dont go looking for it from other men.

Social media messages and pictures can cause serious issues for everyone. How do you know for sure they have not been shared amongst his friends, or worse shared over the internet.  I recommend not exchanging sexual messages with strangers online for your own safety, weather your in a relationship or not, you simply have no idea who these people are apart from what they say on their profiles. I suggest going through your friends list and deleting the ones only interested in sex messaging if you want to save your relationship.

To save your relationship and build the trust back start by showing you have deleted these so-called friends, set your privacy settings on your profile to private and build back the trust. Its not going to be easy but it is possible.

In future remeber there are two people in a relationship and how would you will feel if they done it too you.

 

I need your help,  I am really pissed off with a man who comes into the bar regularly where I work who told me I am fat!  I work nights in the bar to make extra money to support my daughter who is 12 months old, I am a single parent. I have to do everything on my own for my daughter and would love the time to workout but I don’t have the time, or energy at the moment. I can put up with most things but I am feeling self-conscious since I had my daughter as I put on a bit of weight and not a size 6 anymore. I want to tell this guy to back off without letting him know I am hurting.

Jane

 

This guy sounds like a jerk! It sound to me like he has some serious issues of his own and I’m sure him drinking every night does not make him a picture of perfection. I would remind him next time he mentions it that he has no excuse for his not so perfect features, his personality being one of them.

Some men hide behind alcohol for confidence, they also use negative comments as a way of trying to impress a women they like. Dont ask me why it works, but sometimes it does.

You need to see this as immature talk and he is probably looking for a reaction, the best one you can do  give him is not one of aany kind. If he does carry on I would not think twice in asking him to refrain from insulting you in front of other customers. Let other people know his insults are bothering you and you will not  accept them, demand respect.

If you are having self-confidence doubts about wobbly baby weight dont, a size 6 is neither attractive or healthy and your daughter needs you healthy.

Of course, if you do want to loose the weight why not ask him to buy you a gym membership,  after all if you don’t ask you don’t get!

 

 

 

 

Yes please doc! New health prescriptions

ff5511a33b14a6bae03428be2756d4b6Like all parents, mine told me that if I ate ‘an apple a day’ it would keep the doctor at bay. Well, it didn’t work. And over the years, I’ve visited many a doctor and responded to the usual array of enquiries whether I smoked, drank, exercised, did drugs etc… And, of course, no matter how I replied, I would be advised to change my lifestyle in some way.

I had worked out for myself that sex was great for my health in so many ways, especially by reducing stress. I also knew it was good for the heart, and that it helped lower blood pressure. In fact, I knew very well that sex is great for our health in many, many ways that the odd Granny Smith, Pink Lady or Cocks (apple, that is) can’t get near.

Seriously, it’s important not to neglect our health. It’s also important to stay on top of cures that work and not rely on old wives tales like apples. So, now is the best time to take a trip to the doctor and have a much-needed MOT. And you will be delighted to find that gone are old world boring prescription, and here are the 21st century alternatives such as red wine, chocolate, HRT, gym memberships and holidays!

Last year, after a long recovery from illness, my doctor prescribed a holiday for me. Trust me, my bags were packed in a heartbeat!  I was living in Western Australia at the time, and he suggested a short break to Bali. With the benefits of selective hearing, I only heard the words FLIGHT and FLY, and soon found myself with a return ticket to the UK. I set off with minimal luggage. Was the holiday good medicine?  You bet is was.

Let’s look a little closer at these alternatives to traditional prescription medicines, and why doctors are prescribing them for our long-term health.

Prescription chocolate

Chocolate is known to trigger the release of endorphins. They are  similar those released when we fall in love. A UK mind lab recently conducted a study in which 6 couples placed dark chocolate squares in their mouths and then kissed, whilst hooked up to heart monitors. The results showed doubled activity in each couple’s brain  pleasure centre, particularly in the women. Another study indicates chocolate helps people relax by releasing the same brain receptors as does marijuana.

Chocolate also helps improve circulation generally, and blood flow to the brain in particular. It also can make us feel full. Dark chocolate appears to be better than milk chocolate in this regard but they both help eliminate the desire for pizza, salty and fatty foods. People who eat chocolate three times a month have lower mortality rates to those who don’t. So, it seems, chocolate helps people. Of course, this is only true if eaten in moderation.

98cd7505dfe4dd8dc8c9376d827f4725Prescription sex

It’s a well-known fact that people who have sex have less sick days than those who don’t. Evidence suggests also that people who have sex at least twice per week produce higher levels of antibodies than people who have limited or no sex. Therefore, people with higher sex levels are better able to fight off infections and viruses. 

So, anyone who puts off sex by saying they don’t feel well or have a headache, should think again because it has been shown that sex is definitely good for you. And, the more sex you have the higher your libido, mood and health. Plus, the more you have it, the more you want it. 

And sex is just as good for the health of women and men. In women, sex helps with bladder control, as it usually involves a decent workout for the pelvic floor muscles. Orgasms contract the vaginal and pelvic floor muscles, which helps strengthen them. And vaginal stimulation, with or without an orgasm, can help reduce chronic back and leg pain, and also pain associated with menstrual cramps and arthritis… Go sex! As for the men, a study has shown that those who ejaculate regularly are less likely to develop prostate cancer. They don’t even need a partner for this one, masturbation works just as well.

And there’s even help for insomniacs. It is said that having sex will help you fall asleep quicker. Hell, I have known one or two who were capable of falling asleep during! The hormone prolactin released after orgasm enhances feelings of relaxation and sleepiness. So sex is a much better cure than sleeping pills.

Prescription red wine

I’m guessing most of you will be keen to know about the health benefits of this one. Well, results of a recent study confirmed that a glass of wine a day helps to keep the blues at bay. Red wine can help reduces the common causes of depression and heart disease. However, again, all in moderation. And turning to wine to reduce depression is definitely not the answer, and if you don’t drink, don’t start!

And it’s important to maintain balance. Just look at the Spanish “Mediterranean diet” of olive oil, wine, high in-take of fruit, vegetables and fish, and a small quantity of dairy and meat products. These have all shown to reduce cardiovascular disease by up to 30%. A much healthier option than pizza, burgers and fries.

2cccc02b8dc1fffc98a4c93149ca04a4Prescription holiday

Holidays are much higher on the list these days since studies suggest they reduce stress and the risk of heart attack. Of course, this depends highly on what holiday you take. I’m sure e a two-week drug fuelled party in Ibiza is not what the doctors have in mind!

These days, more people than ever are complaining to their doctors of chronic stress and the toll it is taking on their bodies. It has been proven that chronic stress contributes to reduced ability to fight infection, and may lead to other health concerns such as bowel problems, depression, anxiety, memory loss and mental health issues.

Taking time out for quieter moments to break the stress cycle and give ourselves breathing space helps us to refresh and prepare ourselves to take on the world again. Holidays help us relax, and give us a break from our usual routines. This helps us gain perspective on the everyday and larger problems we all face in life. It’s easier to and much more effective in terms of monetary costs, time and long-term outcomes to act now and take a break; rather  than to wait until life becomes all too much for us and have no alternative than to turn to prescription medicines. And active leisure holidays such as golf, yoga and walking are best. Not Ibiza!

So, there you have it on doctor’s orders. Treating yourself is good for your health! Out with pills and in with the thrills!

The STI Tavern!

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A guy spots a nice looking girl in a bar. He goes up and starts small talk.  Seeing that she didn’t back off he asked her name.

“Carmen,” she replied.

“That’s a nice name,” he said, warming up the conversation. “Who named you? Your mother?”

“No, I named myself”, she answered.

“Oh, that’s interesting. Why Carmen?”

“Because I like cars, and I like men,” she said looking directly into his eyes. “So what’s your name?” she asked. “Beersex.”

Alcohol may help remove stress and many other problems from our lives. Hell, it can even help remove bras and panties! But, it is very clear that it can give rise to a few problems, including sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

Recent evidence indicates that Syphilis is on the rise in the UK, and at a record rate.

The evidence also suggests that the most noticeable rise in STIs amongst promiscuous adults is in the age group 40 and above. Who knows why? It could be down to newly divorced couples getting back into the dating scene and unprepared for how that scene has changed whilst they have been away. Or, maybe, the growth in erotic fiction such as “50 Shades of Grey “. (vanilla porn in my view) has influenced this demographic to try more adventurous sex .

It might even be down to the fact that less antibiotics are being prescribed in response to concerns about over-prescription trends in the recent past. For years, doctors handed them out like smarties, unaware they were clearing up an undiagnosed STI that neither the doctor or the patient knew they had. Yes, the same antibiotics we use for everyday infections are used treat STIs. And as there is a trend of reduced prescriptions, there has been a rise in STI rates recorded.

Whatever the reason, everyone is now more at risk to catching STIs than ever before. So, divorcees, and the older generation getting back in the game, or seeking to be more adventurous sexually, may think they’re not at risk but they are. Everyone is at risk if they are not using a condom. No one, no matter what their age, is immune to STIs.

It’s perfectly OK – in fact it’s great – that people are more sexually active and into experimenting now more than ever. But it’s really important to be sensible and take precautions!

Hey, how difficult is it to slip a condom in your wallet or purse before you leave for an evening out? Even if you’re not planning anything which may lead to sex, it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Seriously, everyone knows alcohol improves your chances of having something called gogglesex!  Gogglesex is great. But long-term itchy private parts, or pain when you urinate is fare from fun!

Alcohol relaxes our inhibitions which can lead to fantastic sex. Yes, the very thought of having drunken sex on a night out may seem like a lot of fun. But unless you’re careful, you could end up regretting it – and I mean big time regret.

On a few occasions in my wilder days, I woke up wondering what the hell had happened the night before. Damn, I couldn’t even remember whether I had even had sex, let alone whether I had used protection. Come on – admit it – who hasn’t done this or something similar at least once in their lives. Denial will get us nowhere. There’s no point hiding or being ashamed of what you did after the event. That won’t deal with the problems associated with having caught an STI. What’s important is how we deal with what we did – not that we did it!

So, let’s see how it might go.

 Blind sex!

Ok, so you may have pulled a stunner, or a handsome hunk that you just must take home. That’s fine. What’s not fine is the assumption that just because your catch is god looking means that they are STI-free. You cannot tell by just by looking at them. As they say, never judge a book by it’s cover. They may seem like your perfect partner right now. But was an STI on your wish list in finding your perfect match?

These situations arise all the time. Unless you’re sensible, your eagerly anticipated long-lasting happiness with ‘Mr or Miss Right’ could be over far sooner than you thought.

Ex-sex

Ex-sex is just as bad. Just because you dated someone before and they were STI-free does not mean they are clean now. You may have known them for years and believe they are the least likely person to be carrying an STI. But you can never safely assume the last person they slept with was clean of STIs.

And then comes you!

It’s just as important to make sure you’re STI free also Just because you think you are, does not mean you are. STIs can last for years without showing symptoms.

Every new relationship should start with a STI check. I know, I know, that sounds like a bit of a dampener on the romance front. But trust me, it’s a damned sight more romantic than catching or passing on an STI.

A new relationship should always start with a clean slate. Your new partner may seem like a vanilla licker, but it doesn’t mean they have no previous experience. And if you’re new beau or belle won’t agree to a test, don’t do it. Play it safe, for yourself and your future partners.

Your local pubs and clubs are major breeding grounds for STIs. They are also very effective venues for spreading the contagion.

What about the face of it?

It’s well known that people don’t always reveal they have had an STI or even that they had the sexually transmitted virus, herpes. And you can’t tell by looking. Just try. Take a look around your local this weekend. I bet you see the same people, week in-week out. They are as regular as clock work. And, as you will see, some regulars have a different partner most weekends. Could you keep up with who has had who?  I bet you can’t. Do yourself a favour. Even if someone says they are clean, don’t take it at face value. Your health is far more important than how popular you are at your local pub, remember no sexually transmitted infection stands out in the crowd.

No matter how well you know someone, how popular they may be, how safe they say they are, or it’s just hard to say  ‘no’ because you like them so much, respect yourself and don’t take the risk. If they truly like you and respect you they should not expect unprotected casual sex from you.

If you have had drunken sex and worried, contact your local STI clinic or your doctor to get it sorted quickly. It’s all confidential. You can also do anonymous testing by ordering  a kit on-line, but these only cover a few infections so best avoided.

One tip I will give you, it’s easier to take a little prick from a blood test than a prick wanting unprotected sex!

Have an enjoyable weekend, play safe x