Say it as it is



I have recently started exploring the world of BDSM and in particular CBT. I like to be dominated by a strong woman and I want to tell my partner. However I am 99% sure she will freak out, knowing her the way I do

Is BDSM something you are experienced in? Is there anyway of getting this to a win/win outcome, or do you think I should keep my fetish to myself.



Yes Shane, I do have experience in CBT (cock and ball torture) which is covered under BDSM (Bondage, Discipline,Sadism and masochism). Castration is also a name some readers will associate with.

There is right way and a wrong way for opening up to your partner about any fetish you may have, particularly anything considered kinky. One thing  I do NOT recommend is hiding your sexual desires, this can put risk on the relationship and form a significant lack of your own sexual fulfillment. It’s also not healthy to have a lack of communication in a relationship.

One thing I have discovered over the years is that few people really understand the world of BDSM and any of its sub-categories such as CBT.  I suggest starting the conversation asking her if there is anything new she wants to try in the bedroom. Make the conversation about her.

Whatever you do avoid rushing to reveal the graphic details involved with CBT and do NOT think about asking your partner to participate or start experimenting the first time you talk about it. You have to remain calm and explain to her that your happy in the relationship. Start the conversation with something related to something that’s happened previously during sex such as: “That night we had sex and I never came really tuned me on”, this way you can suggest asking her to try it again.

(If you have have not been in this situation, it may be good sitation to play out, this way you could see her true reaction).

Explain that CBT is perfectly safe and is about mental, not sexual satisfaction. Reassure her that she does not need to try it right now but you would like her to consider it at a later date well informing her its about her being in control.

Choose a time and setting with no distractions. If she is negative it could be nerves and you need to understand she is hearing something out of the ordinary, try not to be put off. If her reaction is non responsive maybe follow-up with a conversation at a later date then use this as your opportunity to ask her what she thinks.

Remember, its her choice to be able to choose and you have to remain positive and leave it alone if she asks you to. Whatever you do make her feel comfortable and under no pressure, you can return back to the conversation at a later date if she is not willing to hear it right now. You have to respect her wishes.

Sexual desires can not just be shoved aside and put to the back of a drawer, so you need to have the conversation. Based on her answers you can make a decision of how you fulfil your needs.  You may be surprised that she also has fantasies of her own she may want to try.


Lianne, I have been really stupid and having been been caught messaging men on line behind my partners back. He broke into my Facebook account and found sexually suggestive messages between me and a couple of guys and he has gone mental. He has accused me of being unfaithful and has started calling me a slag and worse names. I was only messing around on line and it never meant anything. I have never met any of the guys and have it has only been through messages. I have never said I wold meet them. How do I convince my partner I am not being unfaithful?



Emma, have you considered that the messages have really hurt your partners feelings? Relationships are built on honesty and trust, how can you think messaging strangers online is not betraying you partner in any way. Online infidelity hurts just as much as physical infidelity. You say your partner broke into your Facebook account which suggest to me that he has a reason for feeling you were up to something. However, this still gives him no right to enter your personal account.

Trust issues have been broken in a big way from both sides.Your partner trusted you until this happened and now you have to provide an explanation of why you done this. If your happy in the relationship but lacking attention from your partner then tell him and dont go looking for it from other men.

Social media messages and pictures can cause serious issues for everyone. How do you know for sure they have not been shared amongst his friends, or worse shared over the internet.  I recommend not exchanging sexual messages with strangers online for your own safety, weather your in a relationship or not, you simply have no idea who these people are apart from what they say on their profiles. I suggest going through your friends list and deleting the ones only interested in sex messaging if you want to save your relationship.

To save your relationship and build the trust back start by showing you have deleted these so-called friends, set your privacy settings on your profile to private and build back the trust. Its not going to be easy but it is possible.

In future remeber there are two people in a relationship and how would you will feel if they done it too you.


I need your help,  I am really pissed off with a man who comes into the bar regularly where I work who told me I am fat!  I work nights in the bar to make extra money to support my daughter who is 12 months old, I am a single parent. I have to do everything on my own for my daughter and would love the time to workout but I don’t have the time, or energy at the moment. I can put up with most things but I am feeling self-conscious since I had my daughter as I put on a bit of weight and not a size 6 anymore. I want to tell this guy to back off without letting him know I am hurting.



This guy sounds like a jerk! It sound to me like he has some serious issues of his own and I’m sure him drinking every night does not make him a picture of perfection. I would remind him next time he mentions it that he has no excuse for his not so perfect features, his personality being one of them.

Some men hide behind alcohol for confidence, they also use negative comments as a way of trying to impress a women they like. Dont ask me why it works, but sometimes it does.

You need to see this as immature talk and he is probably looking for a reaction, the best one you can do  give him is not one of aany kind. If he does carry on I would not think twice in asking him to refrain from insulting you in front of other customers. Let other people know his insults are bothering you and you will not  accept them, demand respect.

If you are having self-confidence doubts about wobbly baby weight dont, a size 6 is neither attractive or healthy and your daughter needs you healthy.

Of course, if you do want to loose the weight why not ask him to buy you a gym membership,  after all if you don’t ask you don’t get!





4 thoughts on “Say it as it is

  1. Thanks Lianne, sounds like you have done this before as well so you would understand why I love it and chuck in a few sneaky 11’s haha. I love the page BTW its great to talk/learn about sex without all the creepiness, keep up the great the work.


  2. Just reading your BDSM post and it made me smile my boyfriend has just introduced me to a form of cbt I guess called ballbusting (kicking/hitting him in the balls). I was initially freaked out by it but now I love it, my only concern is doing damage to him and I am not sure how hard you can kick a man before its to hard so I keep it soft. I thought he may be the only guy in the world into this but after looking into it in google it appears quite popular, I definitely reccomend it haha. Anyway he used a similar tactic as you suggested and as I said I think its great.


    • Hi Rayne
      Thats fantastic news. Yes its more popular than many other BDSM actions.
      Work on a pain base of 1-10 (1 being soft, 10 being hard) slowly just kick a little harder until he says enough, if done correctly it shoukd be fine . Of course always make sure the foot is positioned correct and the hand when landing the impact!
      Thanks for your feedback

      Lianne x


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