The difference between Arousal and Desire

sexual-arousal-disorderThere is a very important difference between the two. Arousal is physiological, it goes on in the body. Arousal happens when nipples get erect, the penis starts twitching, then it becomes fully erect, the vagina starts pulsing and becoming moist and wet. Arousal also happens when you get flushed in the face and when your fingers start to explore.  This makes Arousal a physical process. Desire is an emotional and psychological and mental process. Desire is how you feel. Partly, it’s how you feel about what your body is doing, but it’s how you actually feel, what you think, what you imagine, what you’re visualising, what you hunger for, what you yearn for. That’s Desire,making it very different to Arousal. The biggest sex organ we have is out brain and senses, fuelling desire.

Many are under the assumption that the two of them come together, and that if you have the appropriate arrangement, then of course they can go together. But in real life, it’s not quite that simple. We frequently find ourselves having desire, but our body just doesn’t have the level of arousal that we want it to have.  Many times people think about sex and even start  masturbating,  but then give up when they just don’t get that aroused. This can leave many frustrated as they don’t understand that there mind may be in it, but there bodies are saying otherwise. Trust me if a penis does not want to rise, it’s not going too. It’s the same with a vagina, although women do have the advantage of lubrication, and not having to stand and deliver!

It’s important to understand that the two are different, especially with couples as people need to understand that they don’t always go together.It’s possible to feel desire and your body is not ready to act on the desire. Even if you’re ready to have intercourse, one of you may not be ready. Sometimes our bodies get ready for sexual activity, but we are not up to it mentally. It’s exactly like someone touching you sexually and stimulating you in all the right places, you start to tingle and arousal is happening, but you suddenly get distracted by something and suddenly you have gone of sex. It may be a work project, the children crying, a noise or simply something pops into your head that can turn the mind off sex. You simply cant expect to desire sex that you can no longer enjoy because you mind has gone somewhere else.

I have always counted myself fortuante for being a women, at least being female we can particpate in sex with our partners, and help out when they are aroused and mentally prepared for sex. However, attention females I have known of men who are able to be aroused but not mentally present….

Is your medication affecting your sex life?

Füße eines Paares im Bett. Trennung und Scheidung

Where’s my sex drive gone?

Health issues and its impact on sex is not spoken about often enough. When it comes to sexuality, there are a lot of ways in which health impacts peoples sexual functioning, sexual feelings, sexual behaviours and sexual decision-making.

Medications are the cause of a large amount of sexual issues with many related to people taking  antidepressants, ulcer treatments, dieretics, and any kind of medication that dries you up such as anti inflammatory, for some people it can prevent arousal or interfere with the orgasm or it has a significant impact on sexual functioning by lowering the libido.

Unfortunately what also adds to this is that people sometimes don’t want to talk about its effect with their partner, sometimes people just stop having sex, or stop doing their favorite sexual things. Some even stop masturbating, and as we all know this can make people even more depressed and damn right cranky. Not all people are confident to report theses problems to thier doctors either, which is counterproductive because they need too in order to have medication changed and to be placed on another kind that does not have the same side effects.

Now, I don’t know about any of you but if I am in pain probably the last thing I want to do is have sex, and if I do I want it over and done with quick so I am not hurting anymore. I’m sure you all remember your sex education days at school, right? You know the class where they told you all about the male and female reproductive and genital areas in 30 minutes. Let me tell you what they never told you, they never told you about all your erogenous zones, the sexual parts of your body. Theres the knees, the lower back, the neck, the hips, the elbows, and if they hurt it’s really difficult to enjoy sex. Nobody talks about this which makes people think they have a sexual dysfunction when in fact they have not.

People suffer a similar loss around sexuality as they do with any other kind of loss. When people cannot perform in their favorite positions because they suffer pain when they do, or they are afraid that it will hurt after they suffer loss.  And if they don’t talk about it, it can not be cured. Some people can’t even masturbate anymore because of a hand injury and have to give it a rest for 3-6 months, can you imagine this?  No, me neither.

Many people are embarrassed by sexual dysfunction because they think there is something wrong with them, when in fact they do not have a sexual dysfunction, irs down to high street medication. People need to be more open and aware of what medications they are taking, or their partners are taking. If something is affecting your sexual performance it may not be anything wrong with you, it could just be something you are taking. 

So if you do have something preventing you enjoying sex, do not let in manifest and go see your GP.


Bodyimage myths and truths


Most of us think we are pretty sophisticated when it comes to attracting the opposite sex, we are aware that people come in a variety of different shapes and sizes. Of course, we are not all a perfect size ten, or even slightly resemble a Victoria Secrets model, and neither would many of us want too. Today via media platforms we are inundated with images of celebrities with over inflated breast, cheekbones and enough Botox to make hell freeze over, and it is seriously affecting peoples confidence. It’s causing all kinds of issues surrounding our bodies and this effects not only intimate relationships, but relationships with ourselves.

Reports suggest the pressure on girls to look perfect is causing all types of issues, 80% of females aged 21 think that their looks are the most important thing about them, 66% did not feel pretty enough and 93% believed they were judged on their appearance, and 61% felt the need to look perfect. Too many people are under the illusion that body image is the most important thing when attracting the opposite sex and being accepted. It requires a lot of effort to prepare in the hope that no one will see flaws that dont exist. It also expensive to maintain.

Think for one minute how hard it is for single men to find a genuine natural partner today, they see an attractive girl, asks her for a date, she accepts and the relationship naturaly progresses. Then as they get to know one another more it moves to snogging, foreplay and sex. Off comes the push bra, he tries to run his hands through her hair which is full of extensions so impossible, false eyelashes are left in the bathroom and he has make up all over the bed sheets…. she suddenly appears very different. The guy is not upset about how she looks, but because he has been misled when there was no need. It’s a total myth that men only find a female attractive because of looks, go ask most men and they will most likely say they prefer a female with intellect, a good attitude and above all confidence. A fantasy girl and a ideal girl are two very different people. Men want to invest in the ideal girl, the one they can see and get to know behind the exterior and relax with, not the fantasy girl which will always look perfect and always be grooming herself. Men like pyjamas and hair tied back, natural hair… and make-up free sheets!

Too many people also sit around and compare themselves to others assuming that the other person is perfect, not realising that this person may be hiding some dark secret such as, insecurity, self loathing, addictions or self-abuse. Not all, but many people have had some serious issues and have altered their natural body to feel better about themselves, but they have only managed to change their outer appearance and not their inner self and they are still suffering as much as before. No amount of surgery is going to make their inner feelings of depression go away. Celebrities on social media only show one side of themselves to thier fans, on the other side they will be someone you know nothing about, and trust me looks can be very deceiving.

Simon Cowell proved last weekend natural is best by asking one of his female finalist to come back with no make up on, to be her natural self so he could see her, and hear her voice naturally. She came back and shon like a star, totally stunning and above all with more confidence. It was an amazing transformation that proves hiding behind the assumption of perfection, is infact doing the opposite.
People need to accept themselves for who we they are on the inside and build a relationship with themselves rather than relying on something or someone else for approval. Remember the best part about anything is the mystery that surrounds it. Now go look in the mirror and tell yourself your beautiful just as you are.