I was aware many years ago through my own personal experiences that porn was going to become a problem for children when the internet exploded. Knowing I had the experiences and information I hold is why I decided to do something about it and become educated in Sex, Law and Policy, Addictions and Sex Education, little did I know I would become a female Pornographic expert.
Sex education in schools is below what is needed and it is a huge problem concerning underage access to pornography, it is a subject area teachers are going to have to deal with, and of course parents. Which is why many years ago I spoke to several organisations asking if I could help them learn about the rising issues around pornography, unfortunately I was ignored and the only people who were pleased I had come forward was The Family Planning Association with who I took some educational short courses.
Of course, and I hate to say it, but I was right when I predicted it was going to be a bigger issue than they first thought as now it is an epidemic. Many education boards have at last woken up to the fact that children need to be educated on pornography and not just the reproduction of sex, they also hopefully have jumped on board and now understand it is necessary to educate children on recreational sex. The thing is we cannot tell children to avoid something we all know is enjoyable and not give them a reason why as ignorance is a bigger problem than watching porn itself.
The problem in society is the lack of discussion about pornography and of course sex itself. How can anyone educate a child about sex acting if they are avoiding learning how to talk about it themselves. I have the experience, knowledge and education to be able to help parents, education boards and parents understand pornography which I do in many ways such as seminars, workshops and counselling. Below I give tips on how every parent can deal with the issue of pornography and how you can to talk to your children about it.
Tips for parents
First things first, sex education should start at home and not left to the school to deal with. One teacher to every 30 children in a classroom is more of a comedy show than an educational one when talking about sex. How many of you put a hand up when the teacher asked if anyone had any questions after your sex education class, I guess very few, if any, so understand your child is probably doing exactly what you did.
The moment your child asks questions about where babies come from, or why people are kissing on-screen is the time to openly answer questions they may have around sex and you need to be prepared. You don’t need to go into deep conversation about porn, or even sex for that matter but you should definitely not avoid the subject. This is also not a time to get upset, angry or disappointed either, use this opportunity to have an open and honest talk with your child.
They normally start asking questions around 4 -5 years old and this is when you can start to explain what is acting and what is real love, unfortunately you may also have to explain to them at this age that Barney the purple dinosaur is also not real either, trust me they will get over it.
With my own children, when they used to giggle at people kissing on TV ,I used the opportunity to ask them why they were giggling at the sight, they answered because kissing leads to sex. This is when I turned the tables and asked them what they thought sex was and then I would correct them on the things they had wrong. It would end up as an open conversation on what was real and what was not.
Of course not every princess has to kiss a frog to find her prince, so don’t mislead them on relationships and emotions.
The hard truth
Now for the reality shock… your child is learning how to perform sex from pornography and this is also where they are learning sexual words, sexual positions and to find out how to be a good lover. Take it from myself it is not emotional sex, it is just acting and not one person can perform like they do on camera continuously in life. Sex on film has no emotions and real sex does. Real (normal) sex is more about mental connection than performance and this is why pornography is a performance oe acting and this is how it should be explained to your child.
When to educate about pornography
The average age a child first watches pornography online today is around 8 years old, sometimes younger. It’s not that they are typing the word porn into a computer or searching for it, it’s the technology world we live in today and a simple mistype can bring up images involving pornography, in fact I know many young boys who simply write the word boobs into the google bar and they get flooded with all kinds of x rated images.
This is the reason I advise parents to cover pornography talk the same time you cover the sex talk, seriously you cannot talk about pornography to early when you are giving your child access to computers and technical devices. No matter how much you think you have parental control over devices your child especially teenagers are more tech savvy than you are unless you are a tech expert. This is also the time you should explain that over 18 material is exaggerated and sometimes extreme and this is why only adults can watch it.
If you talk openly like this and explain that if they do see some form of explicit material they should tell you, at the same time make it clear they will not be in trouble and that you just want to make sure they have not been affected by it. It is a good idea to explain that Jason Statham does not really go around beating people up in real life and that Billie Piper is not really a call girl!
Your child knows more than you
Trust me when I say you do not know as much about this subject as your teenage child, of course younger children do not know too much yet, but realise there is going to be a time that they do so you need to understand that your child has, or will, access or encounter more explicitness in the stuff they see online and amongst friends than what you tell them so there is no need to be embarrassed. Use this opportunity to explain the basics of pornography and be as straight forward as possible and depending on how old your child is you can go more in-depth.
It really is your choice, it’s you or the playground they will learn from and I advise they learn from you so they have accurate and true facts. You have to remember your teenager most likely has not been educated on values and emotions in sex and relationships, they are educated about respect, good manners and certain ethics but they are not educated on how to behave during sex, so talk to them.
You also need to explain about the emotions we feel during sex, the arousal and desire stages when your child is able to understand them .Children also need to learn about sensitivity, empathy, honesty and all the other emotions that happen in everyday relationships, it’s about educating your children the same way as you educate them on everyday life situations and help them do the right things.
And remember girls like sex just as much as boys.
Sites to visit
Here are some listed sites I feel with help you understand the importance of covering the subject of pornography during the sex talk you have with your child.
If you want to understand more about online sex and the world we live in around pornography and censorship then I recommend the book by Jerry Barnett:
https://books.google.co.uk/books/about/Porn_Panic. Or follow his social media page on