lianne young, relationships

Why you need to take a break from your relationship

relationshipWe have all had those moments when we have said to ourselves our partner is driving us crazy, so why do we not take a break?

Taking a break from your relationship has a bad reputation, yet it could save your relationship in the long run. The first thing most people think when their partner asks for a break is that their significant other does not love them anymore, that they can’t stand to be around them and in most cases this is far from the truth.

Many people ask for relationship breaks for a variety of reasons and it usually has nothing to do with things not running smoothly, it may be because they are restless. Many men need time out from the relationships so they concentrate on themselves instead of a “we” for a while, this way they can figure out if you are the one they want to spend the rest of their lives with. The best thing you can do is not to fight with him as this will push him further away and put your relationship on the rubbish heap completely. It is perfectly normal for them to want to make the right decision especially if it is a life long commitment. Believe me men don’t just like to settle, they like to make sure they make the right decision.

REASONS FOR A BREAK

1. The main reason people have breaks from relationships is because of arguing. Arguing occasionally is normal, however when it becomes constant it can be sole destroying and can harm your health and your mind. Its is said by psychology now that if you argue more than 20% of your relationship then you should definitely take a break. During the break you need to use the time to think about your own options and find ways you can avoid arguing in the fture, learn how to communicate without attacking one another again.

2. Taking a long break due to relocation or travelling is also a common reason for putting hold on your relationship. People seem to think distance will make you grow apart, however take it from me this is not always the case, I had a partner who lived 12,000 miles away and we learnt about quality time over quantity of time and it provided much-needed “me” time  to concentrate on my own ambitions and future. So if you partner wants to achieve something from his/her bucket list don’t hold them back instead support them. Of course if your partner really does want to break up then ask them straight if it is you they want to break up from or the relationship itself. You have to be brave and accept their decision if he wants to move on and use this time to invest in yourself. Remember you lose the relationship not your life.

3. People need time for reflection and it helps makes the heart grow fonder with the absence. This time will give you both a new perspective on your relationship and determine how you both really feel about one another. It is very difficult to be able to reflect on your relationships well you are actually in it so using the break time will allow you to figure out if the relationship compliments you long-term. During your time apart you can talk about the difficulties your relationship has been going through and discuss if it is really what you both want.

HOW TO COPE ON A BREAK

It can feel emotionally and physically draining when you encounter a break up, use this time to set yourself ground rules. Set time limits that you allow yourself to think about your significant other so it does not take over your whole day. I used to allow an hour a day for focusing on the relationship and by allowing myself to think about it helped me manage it better.

Make ground rules on whether you can date others during your time apart, this way you can determine what determination you both have about saving the relationship. Seeing other people during a break is not something I recommend unless you are both strong-minded people and see it as a physical connection and not an emotional one. Seeing other people during a break up does not always lead to a full-time break up, sometimes it makes someone realise how much they wish to work at the relationship, however tred carefully if you decide you can see others during this time.

The final key point is to discuss the length of the break up, you need to mark an end date on when to discuss if you are going to continue with the break up or not. During the break up do your best to be social and not to wallow in self-pity, otherwise what is the point in taking a break? Use this time to enjoy time with your friends and invest in yourself for a while.

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I specialise in singles counselling therapy to help individuals during break ups and help them learn about relationships. Many people carry emotional baggage from one relationship to the text spreading the damage along the way. In every relationship we need to leave the past behind and invest in our futures. If you need help please email me.

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