Now the festive season and new year are out-of-the-way, often this is a period when we feel pulled to commit to our new year’s resolutions whatever they may be. Perhaps you promised yourself you’re looking for that someone special, or maybe just to find a companion so you are not spending time alone and ending up on the imaginary shelf of singleness, whatever it is it’s probably going to be forgotten by february!
Do something different
Choosing to do something different can be positive and interesting, after all doing the same thing over and over can be boring, however, putting too much pressure on yourself can be equally disappointing. One of the things to consider when making changes to meet someone special is to make a difference to your approach. Look In different places and go to different venues. Try something new, something slightly out of your comfort zone. Add some variety and interesting angle to your daily routine so you’re not doing the same old approach and failing the same as last year. Whatever you do, do not to the same thing you have been doing before, doing the same thing will get the same results.
You need to focus on an equal life balance and not plough all your energy into your love life as this will make you look desperate. It is equally as important to remain occupied in other areas of your life so that any negative thoughts that pop into your head do not get out of hand. One thing for sure is you need to know your relationship boundaries and that you know exactly what you are looking for in a partner, otherwise you will make impulsive decisions which could lead to disaster. It’s also important to remember that although you wish to share your life with someone, it’s just as important to have your own personal space. Me time is as important as we time.
Let down those walls
The main thing that leads to relationship failure is the emotional wall, the wall that you built because of past experiences. If you really want to succeed in love and relationships, you’re going to have to bring down some of that wall. The number one reason why we build walls when it comes to relationships is to keep people from breaking our heart, however there is only a small percentage of the population that have not been hurt by a past relationship, no human can be happy all the time, and many of us feel discouraged by love because of our past. You need to remind yourself its the past and not to judge your future on it, it is perfectly normal to feel hurt from time to time, it’s when you don’t you should be concerned.
Of course be cautious, but don’t talk yourself out of happiness. If someone finds that little gap in your wall don’t instantly dismiss them, give them a chance. The ones that want to get to your heart will make a concerted effort, and the people who don’t, wont! It really is that simple. By stopping someone before they are given a chance will make you your own worst enemy, it is no ones responsiblity to break down your wall. That is your job and if you’re looking for love make this your new years resolution.
The answer to finding love
The answer is to be smart, don’t let just anyone in. There is a fine balance in both extremes or having a wall and tearing it down, and that is being open in a relationship. If you are open, you really do have much more fulfilling and honest experiences. This does not mean in any way have an open relationship, it means communicating honestly with your partner, allowing yourself to be a bit more vulnerable. In other words it means speaking the truth about what you need and want from a relationship. This is why it is important to start your love search knowing exactly what you are looking for and what you expect from a relationship. One thing to certainly remember is that secrets and walls break down relationships rather than true feelings and authentic words.