How to Give the Gift of a Prostate Orgasm

Read my professional and expert opinion in the Vice today.
It’s been the year of the butt since at least 2014, by my conservative estimate, and yet we are no closer to actually understanding our own asses. Society is good at visually appreciating butts and writing catchy songs about butts, but still not so great at understanding how we might derive physical pleasure from our own butts—especially when it comes to the prostate.

There’s a reason why some trans women call the prostate their G-spot. Much like the G-spot, the prostate is an internal pleasure point that, if located and stimulated well, can dial your partner’s orgasm up to 11. “Obviously, sometimes you can have a great penis orgasm,” says sex toy inventor and Hot Octopuss founder Adam Lewis, “But I would say on average [a prostate orgasm] is a much more intense experience, lasts longer, and would be more heightened than your traditional orgasm.”

What is the prostate?

“The prostate is a gland that sits inside the anus, just below the bladder,” Lewis says. “It’s not that deep in, but it’s a good two to four inches deep. It’s not a ‘little finger’ deep—you have to go a little further than that, but you can reach it easily with your fingers.”

Medically speaking, the prostate produces a fluid that mixes with sperm to create semen. “This is,” Young adds, “the pre-stage of ejaculation. So if you stimulate the prostate gland, it kind of speeds up that process and makes it more pleasurable.”

Who has a prostate?

Technically, everyone! If you’ve got a vagina, you will have Skene’s glands (occasionally known as the “female prostate“) that are located near the lower end of your urethra. This group of glands is roughly similar to the prostate, although it doesn’t serve any sperm-related function. For the purposes of this article, however, we’re talking about stimulating the type of prostate that’s buried in you or your partner’s asshole.

How to give a prostate massage

“Start with fingers,” Young advises, “but also put a glove on.” (FYI: Young recommends using gloves and condoms on all toys and digits for maximum cleanliness—safe sex, people!) Lewis says that if your partner is feeling anxious about cleanliness, you can also use a small prostate toy to begin with. “Prostate toys are crafted specifically for that purpose so they’re very streamlined,” he says. “It minimizes the second party’s issues around dirt or it not being so hygenic.”

“The prostate is connected to the penis, which is why it’s so sensitive,” Young says. “If you feel the base of a penis, if you go up inside to the end of it, you will end up near the prostate.”

That’s why you can indirectly stimulate the prostate by massaging the perineum, the region between the asshole and the testicles (a.k.a the “taint”), although as one man previously informed Broadly: “It’s significantly more mild from the outside. It’s like if you have a knot in your shoulder and you press that knot. Or if you pop your knuckles. It’s satisfying [but not amazing].”

Having said that, perineum massage is a good starter point if your partner wants a preview of prostate play or just needs to feel a little relaxed before you dive in. Think of it as the anal equivalent of visiting IKEA and kicking back on a sofa before you put down the deposit down on moving it into your own home.

Why does prostate massage feel good?

If you’re not in possession of a prostate, it can be hard to visualize why massaging a marble-sized gland in your asshole might be pleasurable. But the prostate has a ton of nerve endings and largely sits unloved and untouched for most adults’ lives.

“Unlike the rest of the body, like the gland of your penis which is constantly touched and brushed against and stimulated—either accidentally or on purpose—the prostate doesn’t,” Lewis says. “It is unstimulated with all these nerve endings, so if you do make physical contact, it’s quite raw… and it’s very sensitive to touch and pressure.”

Raw in a good way, obviously. When Young asks men what a prostate orgasm feels like, the word “ecstacy” has been mentioned. “It’s absolutely meant to be the most magical thing ever,” she says.

How to assuage first-time nerves

It’s understandable if your partner is a little nervous, especially if the only encounter they’ve had with their prostate is with a GP doing a very unsexy rectal exam. (Unless they’re into doctor and nurse play, in which case—get your white lab coat out.) If they’ve told you that they’d like you to play with their prostate but grow increasingly anxious once the clothes come off, don’t force the issue. “Obviously,” Young says, “you leave it. You can go back to the conversation, you can go back another night.”

But if their concerns are dirt or hygiene-related, there’s almost certainly nothing to worry about. “You can either douche, which some people do,” Young says, “but I don’t advise douching to everybody because they don’t know how to do it properly. You can wait until your bowels are empty and always clean the outside.” Lewis agrees: “That risk is going to be seriously minimized by having that person go to the toilet in the last few hours, and after that you just gotta wash your hands.”

And what if you’re the one who’s anxious? “It’s like anything new,” Lewis says, “like before you set up the TV, you read the instructions—it’s the same with prostate massage. Read up on it! If your partner asks you to do a prostate massage and you understand what it is, that knowledge will give you great comfort in knowing you’re doing the right thing.

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Read the full article today in The Sun with a map covering your area.

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The best way to describe the attractiveness of the vagina v the penis.

Jennifer Lopez is one hell of a women, great looks, body to be envious of and as I recently found out she can describe the attractiveness of the vagina better than anyone I know.

Taken from her move Gigli she describes it as-

Their form. Neck. Shoulders. Legs. Hips. I think pretty cool. Now, as far as your famous penis goes, the penis is like some sort of bizarre sea slug or like a really long toe. I mean, it’s handy. Important even. But the pinnacle of sexual design? The top of the list of erotic destinations? I don’t think so. Ones first impulse is to kiss what? To kiss the lips. Firm, delicious lips, sweet lips, surrounding a warm, moist, dizzingly scented mouth. That’s what everyone wants to kiss. Not a toe. Not a sea slug. A mouth. And why do you think that is, stupid? Because the mouth is the twin sister, the almost exact look-alike of what? Not the toe. The mouth is the twin sister of the vagina. And all creatures big and small seek the orifice, the opening, to be taken in, engulfed, to be squeezed, lovingly crushed by what is truly the all-powerful, all-encompassing. No, if it’s design you’re concerned with, hidden meaning, symbolism, power, forget the top of Mount Everest, forget the bottom of the sea, the moon, the stars, there is no place nowhere that has been the object of more ambitions, more battles than the sweet sacred mystery between a woman’s legs that I am proud to call my pussy. So I guess this is just my roundabout way of saying that it is women who are in fact the most desirable form. Wouldn’t you agree?

This is a priceless quotation from one of the most stunning women of my time. I can imagine what you are visioning her doing, so please remember she is actress!

Unfortunately no matter how much it turned him on Jennifer Lopez experienced her first real heartbreak when the Academy Award winning actor and star of Gone Girl, Ben Affleck called off their very public engagement in January, 2004.

How to get others to like you

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Everyone wants to be liked, its human nature. The truth is not everyone is compatible with one another. There are always going to be others that simply rub you the wrong way-and your included in this too. However here are some simple do and don’ts when it comes to getting others to like you-especially with dating.

Here are some simple tips to improve your popularity.

Remain open-minded

Nothing is more a turn off than talking to someone and they completely refuse to hear what you have to say. My advice is make sure you are not guilty of this by listening to what others have to say, after all they are wanting to share stuff with you. You don’t have to like it, you don’t even need to agree. However, both parties can learn a lot if they remain civil and willing to consider what the other is saying. Trust me the more approachable you are the more attractive you are.

Avoid Gossip

It’s a no brainer really, yet so many get dragged into this situation and it’s not healthy. The rule is if you are not willing to say it someone’s face, don’t say it. If you are in a group where others start talking behind someone’s back it’s best to walk away, or make it clear you want no part of it. Remember being part of it is guilty by association.

Remain Mysterious

Sharing stuff too soon is a good way to get people to distance from you. Everyone has their own set of problems to deal with. If your too open too soon about the issues in your life you can come across as self-absorbed.  Remain a bit reserved about what’s happening in your own life, and try asking the other person about their interest. Don’t make the whole conversation about you.

Stay Humble

Just like everyone has their own set of issues, everyone has their 15 minutes of fame-some fortunate have it longer. The thing to remember is no one person is greater or lesser than anyone else. Boasting about where you have been, what you have accomplished, or who you know comes over like a cry for attention. Never fight to make your presence known by name dropping or trying to appear better than others. Not only do you have the image of a meerkat, it will estrange people from wanting to get to know the real you.

Remain Calm

Don’t act like a child and throw a temper tantrum to something you dislike, it’s not an effective way to make your point as an adult no matter how angry or hurt you may be as it can further complicate things, or draw negative attention your way. If you feel your blood pressure rising, or tears about to escape, excuse yourself and go somewhere quiet to compose yourself. This does not mean you have to be made of stone or not express your emotions, but there is a time and place for everything.

Pay Attention

Nothing is more of a turn off than people who are not respectful of others. Imagine how you would feel if you were confiding in someone and they got up and left the room. Playing with your phone in the middle of a conversation is exactly the same thing. Unfortunately our lives are controlled by technology and we are constantly connected to a device, just don’t let it take priority. Serious you will survive without it for the length of a conversation.

Remain Cheerful

There is an old saying that misery loves company,  trust me it’s not the way to attract or engage others. People who complain too much come over as victims of their circumstances. It’s also too serious for a new partner or friend to deal with. Being over indulgent with your issues will take away your playful confident side and drive people away. Being cheerful will keep you rejuvenated, refreshed and focused. It also confirms you have a balanced life and will make you more desirable.

 

And remember.Your never be able to please everyone, so give up trying. Let people who don’t like you have their own opinion, its their viewpoint not a fact. The most important thing is to follow your heart, look for reasons to be happy, take time for others, be respectful, and don’t make any crisis a drama.

SEX ADDICTION

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Many people ask me if there is such a thing as SEX addiction, yes there is. Sex addiction is also known as hyper-sexuality and it can take over someone’s life and can have serious consequences because of the risks one will take to get their fix. It is a condition where an individual cannot manage their sexual behaviour, have constant sexual thoughts which affect their ability to work, find it hard to maintain relationships and the inability to maintain a normal functioning life because of sexual thoughts. 

Sex addiction is very similar to that of a drug addiction because they release the same chemicals in the brain, the only difference is drugs are substance and sex is an activity, and not getting the help you need can cause all kinds of issues such as depression, anger, anxiety and serious risk taking and unprotected sex, this is caused because the brain reward is not being met.

Sex addiction comes in many forms such as excessive use of pornography, masturbation, visiting prostitutes, excess sex and anonymous sex with strangers. This means it does not have to include penetrated sex as many assume, and neither does it mean a sex addict is a sexual predator. Sexual predators do not empathise with their victims as they do not care about their victims, they are also narcissist and usually someone who has power over others. An addict on the other hand has empathy and usually afterwards suffer self loathing which can manifest as depression or anxiety.

Sex-addiction-and-the-brain

As there are many forms of sex addiction it also means they have different signs, however generally if someone has increasing secrecy issues with their partner, avoidance of family and loved ones, moodiness or frustration because of their sexual thoughts then this could be a sign of a sex addiction. Other signs can include:

An obsession with sex or an abnormally high sex drive

Compulsive masturbation

Persistent use of pornography

Practising unsafe casual sex

Exhibitionist or voyeurism

Becoming sexually but not emotionally involved with people you do not know and confusion between sexual attraction and love

Being involved with more than one person

Using sex to manipulate others

Destructive relationships that you keep going back too or an obsession to attract others

Jumping from one relationship to another

An awareness of your urges not matter the consequences

Sexual rage disorder, where the individual becomes distressed, anxious, restless and may turn to violence if unable to engage in their addiction

If you are concerned you may have a sex addiction the first thing is to seek help, leaving it can cause extensive damage to you and those around you. I offer complete confidential counselling and therapy sessions for individuals and couples on sex addiction.

Lianne Young

Cousellor and addictions therapist