Do you have a right to sexual labels?

The hashtag “Metoo” campaign is now a long-lost memory hidden amongst the online world and  the press have stopped talking about it-which means it is no longer trendy. The worldwide campaign of standing up for women’s rights has left a sour taste amongst many men and rightly so as many people place all men under this label.

Could it be that men have been blaming women since the day of Eve? Even now many are blaming women for all of life’s disasters-look at Brexit for instance-people assume Theresa May is entirely to blame, which is far from the truth. Many men compare her to Margaret Thatcher who many say led the once bulldog bred Britain into poverty and that women can not rule the world-or is it that many just don’t understand the equality rules between men and women.

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The “Metoo” campaign was to fight out sexual abuse, not to create it. Fast forward to 2019 where sex is openly spoken about yet misinterpretated through television and media to make people think of it as a dirty word if you actually do it as a source of income. Prostitution dates back to when life began and most people are actually trading their bodies for some return in every sense of life. Therefore, have women created the problem of others calling us bitches, whores and slut’s?  If you are in a relationship you can withhold sex from a man-this makes you a bitch, if you work in the sex trade as business then you are called a whore, and if you enjoy sex and make it part of your life freely then your classed as a slut. Therefore there is no escape to being sexually labelled by both sexes.

Channel Four recently aired a production called “Mums make Porn” which I watched with dread not only because  they glamorised the porn industry by using a high-end production studio owned by “Erika Lust” which is not the true reflection of the porn industry these days, they also used inexperienced parents who know nothing about making porn making the true professionals be labeled as dirty and outcast, especially for the female performers.  Do people not realize that sex is completely natural and that some people are happy using their bodies as their work and pride themselves of it. Showing parents with no knowledge of pornography was going to cause online abuse for many performers and also to its viewers who had an opinion. Are people bad for watching porn-no, is the porn industry responsible for downloading it into your child’s sight, no. The only people responsible for bringing pornography into anyones house is the person providing the source to view the material, i.e laptops,computers and mobile phones. In my 20 years of covering the sex industry I do not know of one performer who has made a pornographic movie aimed at a child or for childrens viewing- it is called Adult entertainment for this very reason.

The point is we all are entitled to be who we choose to be and this counts in sexuality, gender, professional choices and every aspect of our lives. What others think of us is not of our concern-standing up for who we are is. If you are a sex worker it is your given right to do as you please, its your body and your decisions.

If you are the one sat at home on your computer shaming people online for their choices by leaving social media degrading comments then shame on you for being such a coward and a two faced masterbater -yes, don’t think for one minute you were forced to see a women having sex on film- it was your choice to go and abuse someone so own it. Cyberstalking is the use of the Internet or other electronic means to stalk or harass an individual, group, or organization. It may include false accusations, defamation, slander and libel. It may also include monitoring, identity theft, threats, vandalism, solicitation for sex, or gathering information that may be used to threaten, embarrass or harass. Cyberstalking is a criminal offense.As a counsellor to sex workers and a mediator between sexual victims and the Met police I can happily say that if you are the one leaving sexual labelling comments of Whore, Slut or Bitch on anyone’s timeline via social media then you could be contributing to pushing them towards self loathing and addictions. This is the same for production companies who offer no support and no pay to performers to take part in their productions for their own gain which is classed as slavery.

Do you have a right to sexually label someone?


Well what can I say apart from “Damn, how many fit men can anyone fit in one room at one time? AVN, of course.

Last night I attended the world’s biggest Gay Awards in Las Vegas filled with glitter, glam and more buzz than hooting horns in a traffic jam.

Of course, as us women know Gay men are extremely happy, well toned, handsome, outgoing and dress to kill.. To find myself surrounded in one room with hundreds of them was an absaloute treat.

AVN had been around for many years recognising and awarding contributers to the industy in many forms- from best production, best camera, best website and a variety of awards for the performers.

I first attended my first AVN some 20 years ago and apart from the hotel location and declining numbers attending mainly due to the internet providing free access to porn I would say the buzz is still the same.

Only by chance did I get to the GAYVN awards as I am here to cover the mainstream AVN awards and I’m glad I did.

Below is the link to the Gayvn award winners of 2019 which are well deserved.

Of course, I’m not put out one bit that noone took a shine to me!….

Coming up in the next few days the 2019 AVN Awards


Read my latest advice on drinking and dating for Dry Janurary in the Metro today.

My advice is given on why I think the start of dating v drinking around pubs will most likely make your relationship last shorter than Dry Janurary.

Why turning to sex work for a quick financial fix may leave you with long term problems. With real life case studies.

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Sex-addiction-and-the-brainAfter many years working as a therapist for pornographic actresses, I was devastated at the shock news concerning women being forced to turn to the sex industry for financial again after losing so many benefits through the introduction of Universal Credit.

If you are a university student, a mother with children to care for, or a single woman struggling to afford a basic standard of living, I urge you to seek help and guidance before turning to the sex industry. I have seen the physical and psychological effects of selling your body, and it is devastating.”

The sex industry is known as “the world’s oldest profession”. Yet unlike most professions, it remains virtually unregulated. And the consequences can be horrendous.

The results of a pilot study on the health problems of inner city sex workers published in The Journal of the Medical Library Association in 2003 identified a range of physical and psychological issues, such as rape, STIs, and depression. It found lack of regulation, including access to information and insurance were major barriers to health in the industry.

I have worked with the Adult film industry for over 20 years and witnessed widespread physical and mental abuse on many levels.

Take, for example, the case I worked on recently. I interviewed a young adult actress for my documentary, Porn Police. She says “I was unemployed and living on the streets in Bristol. I was approached by a Bristol based self-proclaimed pornographer and candidate as MP for the Bristol area ‘Johnny Rockhard’ who promised me a porn film career to make some money. But when I went to his house, I was just required to have sex with his friends, including anal, which I didn’t want but felt I had no choice”.

Whilst her story is shocking, it is far from unique. And the risks associated with the porn industry are not limited to our society’s most vulnerable such as the homeless.

Recently, Tory Minister, Esther McVey, raised the apparent increase in the number of women choosing to enter the sex industry to survive during the rollout of the Universal Credit scheme.

Whilst alarming, the increase is unsurprising as those who can’t afford to feed their families are turning to the sex industry in desperation. And this exposes a whole new range of people to the perils of an unregulated industry

Let me be absolutely clear – my position on sex work is not, and should not be construed as, a moral judgment on the rights or wrongs of the sex industry. It is based on the damage I have witnessed over many years counselling those within the industry and those seeking to transition out of it. I also work beside the Metropolitan Police Sexual Violence Unit and have seen first hand the harmful effects of crime within the sex industry.

I know from personal experience the damage caused by working in the sex industry far outweighs the short-term financial gain for women – sometimes as low as £50.

I have observed many times the physical and mental health consequences of that work including STIs, harm through violence from clients, pimps and unscrupulous “producers”, drug addiction and mental disorders. And these are only the short-term consequences of an unregulated industry.

A number of former adult film actors who I counsel share deep concerns about the long-term damage they and others have suffered both whilst working in the industry and since they retired.

Lucy was a top performer between 1998-2002. She says “performing in Adult films left me vulnerable to physical and emotional abuse and with a range of health issues. If you make a sex tape, when it gets out (and you should assume it will), it not only affects you, it affects your family, your friends, your relationships, your work prospects and the rest of your life”. She says “At the time, I thought it would solve all my problems and provide me with some financial security. But make no mistake, it cost me dearly, both physically and mentally. On occasion, I doubted whether I could survive the abuse I endured, and still endure 12 years later.  I know I will always be remembered as “that” girl”.

One of the UK’s top male performers who wishes to remain anonymous worked in Adult movies in the late 90s and told me “At the time I was married and working with my partner. We are now divorced. At the time I never thought about the long-term effects it would have on my family, it was all about the money; as a couple we were making £350 pounds a day. However I now regret it. My children have suffered abuse from neighbours, schoolmates and even strangers and I feel so guilty. It has ruined my life, my relationships, and I have had to have counselling to cope. One of the worst consequences of my decision to join the sex industry was that it forced me to turn on and off my emotions – it separated sex from love. It simply destroyed my life. And as a performer I was forced to sign away any rights to the sex tapes I made. Some of the work I did in 1999 was re-released under other titles as recently as 2012. There is nothing I can do about it. And I didn’t see a further penny”.

Kelly Berg is a retired performer who now works as a specialist counsellor to Adult models wishing to escape the industry and rebuild their lives. She says “Working in pornography certainly appears to offer immediate gratification in terms of money and so on. However, it doesn’t build self-esteem and the emotional damage it causes to performers far outweighs any financial gains. I see people who find it difficult to recover and have a healthy attitude to sex and relationships after. Some people will not survive after working in the industry. It does however provide some very dark times and has a ripple effects in their lifes”. She adds “Retired performers often refrain from speaking out against pornography because of fears it will threaten their new reputation, relationships and emotional well-being. Some experience symptoms similar to post-traumatic stress disorder”.

Clearly, sex workers have no protection against the harms of the sex industry, and this will continue to far outweigh the benefits until the industry is regulated.

My piece in The Sun online today-Unexpected ingenious uses for sex toys

Read my article today in The Sun

From hoover cleaners to door stops, you won’t believe what else this sexpert says you can do with sex toys – and why you’ll never look at a napkin ring the same way again