I have been with my partner for 18 months, he’s 28 and I’m 21. Recently he has started mentioning adding stuff to our sex life such as masturbation in front of him and anal sex. I have been brushing it off when he mentions it as I feel embarrassed by it. I’m worried because I don’t know how to do any of it and I am scared its going to hurt. He has also become offensive about it when he’s had a drink by making comments that I am not very adventurous in bed and it makes me feel really pressurised. I’m not sure what to do as I feel if I don’t start adding things he will look elsewhere. What should I do?
First off let me tell you so you can be assured your attitude is perfectly normal, however as for your partner he seems like he could do with a bit of a wake up call. A considerate worthy partner would never make you feel bad about not wanting to try something that is not regarded as regular sex in a relationship, especially when you are scared about it. Relationships should be built on respect, honesty, loyalty and supporting one another, if you feel this is the case then you need to speak up.
I suggest next time he mentions it, you tell him about how you feel and not avoid the issue. I recommend doing this when he has not had a drink, also ask him why he always mentions it. You need to explain you are feeling uneasy about his attitude and its knocking your confidence, I know you say your embarrassed by it, but ignoring it is not the answer.
I can tell you many couples experiment with anal sex and masturbation as a way to enhance their sex life’s and enjoy it. Knowing how to do it is the key. Masturbation is something you can work on alone until your comfortable too share it with him. Anal sex is more advanced and I would suggest reading up on it first, the main point for anal sex is to know that you are in control, its about you pushing back onto him and not him pushing in to you. Make it clear you are in control.
It would also be wise to mention to him that he needs to be more patient until your ready, and if he cant be patient to be quiet. Tell him you want to be with him but not under pressure and not with him insulting you. If he does not listen then maybe its time to let him go and find someone who is more compatible for both of you.
I hang around with a group of friends at college and I am totally loved up on his one guy in the group who has no idea I like him. We all hang out in the bars on the weekend and we talk a lot on the phone and on Facebook, we have flirted on nights out but nothing more. I really want to be with him but have been waiting months for him to ask me out but he hasn’t. I’m not sure weather to carry on waiting around for him ask me out of to just forget about him. Charlotte
Wake up lovely, we are in the 21st century, years after women fought for equal right’s as the men, and not so long since the spice girls released a song encouraging women to stand up and say “ I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want”.
Women have the right to ask men out just as men have been asking women for many years. Gone are the days of waiting around and praying you will be asked and putting your love life on hold until he asks you for a date, take the lead and ask him. Remember the saying “if you don’t ask you don’t get”.
Its not wrong, embarrassing or rare for women to to ask men out on dates or to be open with someone they admire, its one of the most attractive factors a women has to offer, a female with confidence.
If you don’t ask you will never know, but you will always kick yourself and wonder in the future “what if?” if you miss your chance.
Take control, ask, find out and don’t waste any days wondering, remember each day you don’t ask is a day not knowing, and it could be potential day lost with someone you could be sharing it with.
Good luck, now go and ask him.
I am 21 and pregnant, the thing is I am not sure who the father is, it could be either of two guys. I have been online dating and have had several dates with two guys, not to be a serial dater more the fact its casual dating until I decide if I want to continue with one of them. I have always used condoms but on a couple of occasions they have split. I did take the morning after pill but it never worked. I’m 3 months pregnant and going to keep it. I only have contact with one of the guys now as the other has moved away. I need to get a DNA test from both, but the one that thinks he’s the father even though we are not even togeather is being really off and will not allow it, he just says he is the father and that’s it. I want the baby to grow up knowing the real father.
Congratulations. Firstly and let me reassure you, you are not alone, and neither are you stupid for waiting to see how the dates developed to decide who to be with, too many people jump into relationships because they are given the ultimatum, its all or nothing. Decisions are then made on emotions and they can turn out to be disastrous relationships. I want to take my hat off to you for using condoms, even if they broke. You have tried all precautions to prevent this situation happening but sometimes they just happen. Embrace the fact your pregnant and your going to make it work, single parents are just as good as two parents, sometimes better. I was a single parent and it was healthier than being in a relationship with arguments around the children, and its wrong to force a relationship neither party wants to develop just for the sake of children.
Most importantly you need to find out who the father is before anything else, first off-the selfish one, who is not assisting you needs to be told no proof means you cant name him as the father, he needs to get a grip for the sake of the child and not take the attitude that he can just play the role. Anyone can father a child, only a real man makes a dad. If he sees himself as a decent man he needs to assist you with providing DNA.
The man that has gone away needs to be contacted or at least be made aware that he could potentially be a father. I know you say he has gone away but he is traceable, social media is amazing these days! You need to track him down and be honest with him, if he’s a real man he will assist in helping you. If not, you must try to work with the one who is at hand so you can find out which one is the father.
If this happened to me, I would meet the one who is refusing and get his DNA via his saliva or hair. You do have 6 months to go but you dont want to wait longer than you have too to sort this out . You can buy testing kits online, provide a sample and send it off when the baby is born. Its your peace of mind that’s at stake, and that of the child, I would make sure I got it.
Hopefully, he will see that the baby is most important than himself and work with you when the initial shock is over.
I wish you all the best, and hold you head high your going to be a great mum xx
Every Tuesday, Lianne at ‘House of Ardent’ will be cover subjects she has been asked over her many years as a sex, relationships and life adviser and mentor. ‘Truthful Tuesdays’ is an opportunity to address any questions you may have about sex, relationships, drugs – anything to do with life, really!
If you have any issues and want Liannes advice please email Lianne direct on: email@example.com