Sadness as Kitty Catherine passes.How to help and cope with loss

 

Screenshot 2019-07-03 at 9.58.42 PMAdult performer Kitty Catherine 25 has sadly passed away. The industry is in shock and shattered by the devastating news and APAG have stepped in immediately to offer help, including myself as a qualified counsellor for Industry workers. As many share their sadness on social media it has become apparent that many are deeply affected and not sure how to handle the news and end of life itself.

https://www.xbiz.com/news/245197/performer-kitty-catherine-passes-away

It is during these times we must accept that a loved one, colleague of someone you know dies suddenly and can leave you with overwhelming emotions. Grief is heart wrenching and will have you asking questions and searching for answers. You do not need to do it alone.

Hearing the news today as many of you woke up would have left you with many  emotions including:

Shock-Disbelief and numbness

Anger- Angry because you missed the signs

Guilt– You may be saying “what if” or blaming yourself

Despair– your gripped by sadness, loneliness and helpfulness

Confusion-  You will try to make sense of it or try to understand why they choose to do this

Rejection- why did she not talk to you,

These feelings can last for weeks, maybe even months, you may have flashbacks and suffer loss of interest to many activities-especially work.

HOW TO COPE

The effects of someone passing is emotionally and physically demanding and as you work though it you need to be careful to protect your own health and well being.

Stay in touch– Reach out to loved ones, friends and APAG union for comfort and surround yourself with people who are willing to listen. Remember you need to talk and it can be a shoulder to cry on.

It’s your grief your way- Do what’s right for you and don’t compare your grief to another. There is no right or wrong way to grief.

Be prepared for painful reminders- You are going to go through the memories of how you knew the person, please don’t feel guilty for mourning and providing compassion and empathy to yourself. Losing someone is not easy.

Don’t Rush- Healing takes time, it’s a total blow when you hear tragic news of someone passing no matter what the circumstances. Don’t rush it, and don’t let anyone else hurry you.

Seek Help when needed- Seeking professional credited help is important if you feel you cannot cope and feel yourself slipping into depression. If you don’t deal with grief it can turn into complications and long lasting emotional troubles.

You are most likely waiting for answers, quite frankly you may not get all the answers and will always wondered what happened.  I can assure you eventually the intensity of grief will fade and the tragedy will not be such a shock, this is a time to unite as well as make sure you look after yourself.

APAG union is here to offer support and specialised services alongside myself a fully qualified accredited counsellor and former adult actress from 18 years ago.

https://twitter.com/APAGunion?lang=en

Pornography does, and always will have stigma around it, trust me I know. Yet- let me reassure you it does not have the highest suicide rate amongst other industries and far from it, in fact it is one on the smallest. The main signs to look out for in someone who may be suicidal is hoplessness, sadness, extreme calmness, insommnia, withdraw, changes in personality or appearance, self harming, recent trauma and threatening suicide. If you see these signs please reach out for help to them directly or notify the union so it is brought to someone’s attention.

JUDGMENT AND SOCIAL MEDIA

Remember others will always judge you and others no matter what area of work you are in, it is down to you how you react. Let them own their judgment as it does not pay your bills and it lives within them- don”t let it live in you. Stay safe and provide a duty of care to your co workers. As you may have been told when you were younger, “If you have nothing nice to say don”t say it at all”.

People will throw stones at you, Don”t throw them back, Collect them and build your empire.

 
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When is it OK to say I Love you to your partner.

We all know that relationships start with a honeymoon. You remember – that period after you first got together. You know, you might have known each other forever but there is that one point in time at which you really connected – when you really got together. Maybe it was just a smile; maybe it was just a warm hug; or maybe it was just a simple but enduring kiss.

The point is, there is a period after you first really get together that is just wonderful and you can find yourself saying ‘I love you’ without thinking about what it actually means–do you love them, or are you in love with them, or is it just pure lust?

At first the relationships is full of anticipation, excitement, passion and, yeah, to be honest, pure lust. Come on, you remember – say, the first 3 months when you just can’t keep your hands (and other body parts!) off each other.
In a word, it’s the period when you are convinced of the fact that “love is a feeling not a decision”.

We have all been there at some time or other – maybe even lots of times.

How do we deal with it?

As a general rule there is no set time when it’s OK to say ‘I love you’ however, to be in love with someone it should be understood this is a decision not just an emotion and it normally happens when you let the relationship ride and it moves on from the passion zone to the comfort zone which is around 3 months, sometimes more.

First, you need to accept that this is a time of discovery – specifically, to discover whether the relationship is based on love or lust.

Dating someone and not feeling the hot passion you experienced the first time you were together doesn’t mean it’s over. It just means the relationship has moved to the next phase – generally a more realistic phase and you should allow this to happen before making the decision if you are actually ‘In love’ with someone.

So how do you know if it’s love or lust

Whether there is a future after the honeymoon period is over will often depend on the basis of the relationship. That is, is the relationship based on love or lust?

Here are some tips to help you discern which of the two your relationship is based on.

Is it all about sex? If it’s lust, everything – and I mean everything – will revolve around sex. You know the scene after the honeymoon – meet for dinner then have sex; meet for a drink then have sex; meet for coffee then have sex – oh, let’s just drop the dinners, drinks and coffees and move straight to sex!
Now I’m not saying for a moment that sex is a bad thing. No way. However, you may have fallen in love at the thought of being in love with this person. A relationship is not just built on lust or desire.

If it’s love – sure, there’s sex – and it can be great – in fact, I think it’s important for there to be great sex in a loving relationship.

But I am saying it doesn’t have to be always about sex.

So give some thought to this question – is there any other aspect to your relationship beyond sex that makes you want to spend time with her or him? If so, stick around to find out and grow.

Are you both comfortable with each other? Love is when you feel really comfortable with each other. If you can’t be yourself, ask yourself why not- it takes to whole people to fall in love, and you have to be in love with the whole person.

How well do you really know each other? If you don’t know each other’s personal life then it’s lust again- so take your time.

If it’s love, they can’t wait to introduce you to everyone and they want you to be part of their life. When you reach this stage it s perfect for you to be able to say ‘ I am in love with you’.

Conclusion–understand when you say a simple- I love you–it could mean any part of them. When you say I am in love with you that’s a whole differnt matter and this a decision built on a combination of emotions and decisions and normally takes around 3 months. Falling in love is an investment of the mind, heart and soul and this takes time.

Read my advice today in the Metro.

https://metro.co.uk/2019/06/26/soon-say-love-10075173/amp/?__twitter_impression=true

Penthouse revisit the world’s first Adult Big Brother 20 years later.

Little did I think I would make Penthouse many years after my retirement, two decades to be precise.

A great trip down memory lane..

P.S I am still waiting for the winners cheque from Playboy!

https://penthousemagazine.com/an-oral-history-of-sex-survivor/

Please keep having sex!

Unfortunately if this article is accurate I will be very sad I will get less sex…..

My contribution to this article is small. I hope technology does not take over unless it’s the app controling a vibrator which http://www.zalousa.com use for there amazing products.

https://metro.co.uk/2019/05/28/will-we-all-be-having-sex-without-human-contact-by-2050-9674895/amp/

Fluttering Pleasure Petals Vibrator from Satisfyer- Is this the dud of the bud?

Described by Satisfyer as a pleasure toy to remind you of the 70s?  

Weren’t the 70s inspiring they say- down to its’ music, everything full of flowers, peace-loving people, and free love everywhere. (In my eyes flowers in your hair is a lot different to flowers in ones pleasure zone). They do say things were not always better in the past, because, for example, there were no eco-friendly rechargeable and waterproof vibrators made of supple silicone, like this splendid specimen they have developed. They name it as their small tribute to the Spirit of Peace, Love, and Rock’n’Roll, the Power Flower was created to make your bud bloom with pleasure. Its design combines 12 powerful vibration programs with a flexible shaft made of supple material and a narrow, split tip.

Screenshot 2019-05-25 at 18.47.43

The 12 particularly powerful vibration programs are made up of 6 intensities and 6 tingly rhythms. The powerful motor distributes the vibes ideally over the entire shaft, so they intensely stimulate you from top to bottom. Thanks to its waterproof finish (IPX7), the Power Flower also invites you to enjoy sensual pleasure in the shower or in the bath.  (I guess the rubber duck could be out of business)

Its described as being able to provide versatile stimulation possibilities, because you can use the Power Flower both vaginally, as well as for external stimulation, by letting its soft petals dance around your pleasure bud, yes ladies your clitoris.

Yes, I am sexually experienced this I do not deny but I am not one for putting sharp edges inside my pleasure area, or on my bud cum to think of it…Which is why I handed over this new invention over to one of my reviewers to sample with her partner.

Review on The Satisfyer Vibes Power Flower

When taking the Satisfyer out of the box, the name “Power Flower” initially fits the appearance of the soft silicone toy. The top of it (the “petals”) reminded me of a Crocus flower. It had no smell to it at all – unlike some toys that you can buy when they are new.

It has a charger, with an operating time of approximately 50 minutes. When switched on, its petals flutter and there are 12 speeds from steady, to intermittent rhythms. It sounds like any other vibrator, not too noisy, not too too quiet. It’s also waterproof for use in the bath or shower.

According to the instruction manual, it has 3 uses…clitoral, vaginal and penil. So the boyfriend and I went to work with it.

He and I are quite sensitive people in that we like to be stroked/lightly tickled all over. When switching it on at first, we just tried it on our forearms, legs, backs and it was relaxing and really pleasurable. I could just about stand it on my nipples if the petals weren’t too close but that’s probably only because my nipples can’t usually take too much.

On him, moving the flower around the balls and the taint, the first couple of speeds were great, from then on it was too intense. With added lube, I could wank his shaft with the flower and he especially liked it at the base of the glans. With any speed, he was in ecstasy when I pushed the head of the petals over the head of his cock and holding it firm.

On me – not so much…I tried it on my clit and it felt like someone was catching me with their fingernails – even on the lowest speed. And with the way the petals were able to flutter, I had no intention of trying it inside me for fear of it catching on my vaginal walls…and have you ever seen the medieval torture device called the Pear of Anguish? No? Look it up. Because the Power Flower reminded me a little of that.

All in all we recommend this toy for males as opposed to females.

Charlie and Dave from Essex

Review score for females  2/10 Review score for Men 6/10

Remember ladies not everything is about looks and this really needs to be considered with pleasure toys too.

https://www.satisfyer.com/uk/satisfyer-vibes/51/satisfyer-vibes-power-flower