How to Give the Gift of a Prostate Orgasm

Read my professional and expert opinion in the Vice today.
It’s been the year of the butt since at least 2014, by my conservative estimate, and yet we are no closer to actually understanding our own asses. Society is good at visually appreciating butts and writing catchy songs about butts, but still not so great at understanding how we might derive physical pleasure from our own butts—especially when it comes to the prostate.

There’s a reason why some trans women call the prostate their G-spot. Much like the G-spot, the prostate is an internal pleasure point that, if located and stimulated well, can dial your partner’s orgasm up to 11. “Obviously, sometimes you can have a great penis orgasm,” says sex toy inventor and Hot Octopuss founder Adam Lewis, “But I would say on average [a prostate orgasm] is a much more intense experience, lasts longer, and would be more heightened than your traditional orgasm.”

What is the prostate?

“The prostate is a gland that sits inside the anus, just below the bladder,” Lewis says. “It’s not that deep in, but it’s a good two to four inches deep. It’s not a ‘little finger’ deep—you have to go a little further than that, but you can reach it easily with your fingers.”

Medically speaking, the prostate produces a fluid that mixes with sperm to create semen. “This is,” Young adds, “the pre-stage of ejaculation. So if you stimulate the prostate gland, it kind of speeds up that process and makes it more pleasurable.”

Who has a prostate?

Technically, everyone! If you’ve got a vagina, you will have Skene’s glands (occasionally known as the “female prostate“) that are located near the lower end of your urethra. This group of glands is roughly similar to the prostate, although it doesn’t serve any sperm-related function. For the purposes of this article, however, we’re talking about stimulating the type of prostate that’s buried in you or your partner’s asshole.

How to give a prostate massage

“Start with fingers,” Young advises, “but also put a glove on.” (FYI: Young recommends using gloves and condoms on all toys and digits for maximum cleanliness—safe sex, people!) Lewis says that if your partner is feeling anxious about cleanliness, you can also use a small prostate toy to begin with. “Prostate toys are crafted specifically for that purpose so they’re very streamlined,” he says. “It minimizes the second party’s issues around dirt or it not being so hygenic.”

“The prostate is connected to the penis, which is why it’s so sensitive,” Young says. “If you feel the base of a penis, if you go up inside to the end of it, you will end up near the prostate.”

That’s why you can indirectly stimulate the prostate by massaging the perineum, the region between the asshole and the testicles (a.k.a the “taint”), although as one man previously informed Broadly: “It’s significantly more mild from the outside. It’s like if you have a knot in your shoulder and you press that knot. Or if you pop your knuckles. It’s satisfying [but not amazing].”

Having said that, perineum massage is a good starter point if your partner wants a preview of prostate play or just needs to feel a little relaxed before you dive in. Think of it as the anal equivalent of visiting IKEA and kicking back on a sofa before you put down the deposit down on moving it into your own home.

Why does prostate massage feel good?

If you’re not in possession of a prostate, it can be hard to visualize why massaging a marble-sized gland in your asshole might be pleasurable. But the prostate has a ton of nerve endings and largely sits unloved and untouched for most adults’ lives.

“Unlike the rest of the body, like the gland of your penis which is constantly touched and brushed against and stimulated—either accidentally or on purpose—the prostate doesn’t,” Lewis says. “It is unstimulated with all these nerve endings, so if you do make physical contact, it’s quite raw… and it’s very sensitive to touch and pressure.”

Raw in a good way, obviously. When Young asks men what a prostate orgasm feels like, the word “ecstacy” has been mentioned. “It’s absolutely meant to be the most magical thing ever,” she says.

How to assuage first-time nerves

It’s understandable if your partner is a little nervous, especially if the only encounter they’ve had with their prostate is with a GP doing a very unsexy rectal exam. (Unless they’re into doctor and nurse play, in which case—get your white lab coat out.) If they’ve told you that they’d like you to play with their prostate but grow increasingly anxious once the clothes come off, don’t force the issue. “Obviously,” Young says, “you leave it. You can go back to the conversation, you can go back another night.”

But if their concerns are dirt or hygiene-related, there’s almost certainly nothing to worry about. “You can either douche, which some people do,” Young says, “but I don’t advise douching to everybody because they don’t know how to do it properly. You can wait until your bowels are empty and always clean the outside.” Lewis agrees: “That risk is going to be seriously minimized by having that person go to the toilet in the last few hours, and after that you just gotta wash your hands.”

And what if you’re the one who’s anxious? “It’s like anything new,” Lewis says, “like before you set up the TV, you read the instructions—it’s the same with prostate massage. Read up on it! If your partner asks you to do a prostate massage and you understand what it is, that knowledge will give you great comfort in knowing you’re doing the right thing.

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HONOUR Announce top kink of UK

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Read the full article today in The Sun with a map covering your area.

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Why turning to sex work for a quick financial fix may leave you with long term problems. With real life case studies.

View story at Medium.com

Sex-addiction-and-the-brainAfter many years working as a therapist for pornographic actresses, I was devastated at the shock news concerning women being forced to turn to the sex industry for financial again after losing so many benefits through the introduction of Universal Credit.

If you are a university student, a mother with children to care for, or a single woman struggling to afford a basic standard of living, I urge you to seek help and guidance before turning to the sex industry. I have seen the physical and psychological effects of selling your body, and it is devastating.”

The sex industry is known as “the world’s oldest profession”. Yet unlike most professions, it remains virtually unregulated. And the consequences can be horrendous.

The results of a pilot study on the health problems of inner city sex workers published in The Journal of the Medical Library Association in 2003 identified a range of physical and psychological issues, such as rape, STIs, and depression. It found lack of regulation, including access to information and insurance were major barriers to health in the industry.

I have worked with the Adult film industry for over 20 years and witnessed widespread physical and mental abuse on many levels.

Take, for example, the case I worked on recently. I interviewed a young adult actress for my documentary, Porn Police. She says “I was unemployed and living on the streets in Bristol. I was approached by a Bristol based self-proclaimed pornographer and candidate as MP for the Bristol area ‘Johnny Rockhard’ who promised me a porn film career to make some money. But when I went to his house, I was just required to have sex with his friends, including anal, which I didn’t want but felt I had no choice”.

Whilst her story is shocking, it is far from unique. And the risks associated with the porn industry are not limited to our society’s most vulnerable such as the homeless.

Recently, Tory Minister, Esther McVey, raised the apparent increase in the number of women choosing to enter the sex industry to survive during the rollout of the Universal Credit scheme.

Whilst alarming, the increase is unsurprising as those who can’t afford to feed their families are turning to the sex industry in desperation. And this exposes a whole new range of people to the perils of an unregulated industry

Let me be absolutely clear – my position on sex work is not, and should not be construed as, a moral judgment on the rights or wrongs of the sex industry. It is based on the damage I have witnessed over many years counselling those within the industry and those seeking to transition out of it. I also work beside the Metropolitan Police Sexual Violence Unit and have seen first hand the harmful effects of crime within the sex industry.

I know from personal experience the damage caused by working in the sex industry far outweighs the short-term financial gain for women – sometimes as low as £50.

I have observed many times the physical and mental health consequences of that work including STIs, harm through violence from clients, pimps and unscrupulous “producers”, drug addiction and mental disorders. And these are only the short-term consequences of an unregulated industry.

A number of former adult film actors who I counsel share deep concerns about the long-term damage they and others have suffered both whilst working in the industry and since they retired.

Lucy was a top performer between 1998-2002. She says “performing in Adult films left me vulnerable to physical and emotional abuse and with a range of health issues. If you make a sex tape, when it gets out (and you should assume it will), it not only affects you, it affects your family, your friends, your relationships, your work prospects and the rest of your life”. She says “At the time, I thought it would solve all my problems and provide me with some financial security. But make no mistake, it cost me dearly, both physically and mentally. On occasion, I doubted whether I could survive the abuse I endured, and still endure 12 years later.  I know I will always be remembered as “that” girl”.

One of the UK’s top male performers who wishes to remain anonymous worked in Adult movies in the late 90s and told me “At the time I was married and working with my partner. We are now divorced. At the time I never thought about the long-term effects it would have on my family, it was all about the money; as a couple we were making £350 pounds a day. However I now regret it. My children have suffered abuse from neighbours, schoolmates and even strangers and I feel so guilty. It has ruined my life, my relationships, and I have had to have counselling to cope. One of the worst consequences of my decision to join the sex industry was that it forced me to turn on and off my emotions – it separated sex from love. It simply destroyed my life. And as a performer I was forced to sign away any rights to the sex tapes I made. Some of the work I did in 1999 was re-released under other titles as recently as 2012. There is nothing I can do about it. And I didn’t see a further penny”.

Kelly Berg is a retired performer who now works as a specialist counsellor to Adult models wishing to escape the industry and rebuild their lives. She says “Working in pornography certainly appears to offer immediate gratification in terms of money and so on. However, it doesn’t build self-esteem and the emotional damage it causes to performers far outweighs any financial gains. I see people who find it difficult to recover and have a healthy attitude to sex and relationships after. Some people will not survive after working in the industry. It does however provide some very dark times and has a ripple effects in their lifes”. She adds “Retired performers often refrain from speaking out against pornography because of fears it will threaten their new reputation, relationships and emotional well-being. Some experience symptoms similar to post-traumatic stress disorder”.

Clearly, sex workers have no protection against the harms of the sex industry, and this will continue to far outweigh the benefits until the industry is regulated.

My piece in The Sun online today-Unexpected ingenious uses for sex toys

Read my article today in The Sun

From hoover cleaners to door stops, you won’t believe what else this sexpert says you can do with sex toys – and why you’ll never look at a napkin ring the same way again


https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/7453422/alternative-sex-toy-uses/

Metro advice on how to support your partner and their weight issues

http://yaipoo.com/2018/09/23/widowers-note-to-woman-with-unappreciative-boyfriend-inspires-others/