STORMY Daniels cost CBB by refusing to enter the house two hours before it goes live.

Stormy Daniels had arrived in the UK ready for her appearance on Celebrity Big Brother after long negotiations Welcomed on arrival by the wet, moist British weather, something similar to what she has experienced many times before on set I am sure.

“Hurricane Daniels” is the name I have given her after months of negotiations, ups, downs and change of mind more times than the world financial exchange rate.. pulled out 2 hours before the show was due to go live on UK television costing the channel an enormous amount of money.

I was asked in April of this year if I could contact “Stormy” and ask if she would consider appearing in this years CBB in August. Having worked beside the Adult industry for some 20 years I knew I could take this on, however I expressed my concerns from the start.

I knew it would not be easy especially with her having sucked Donald Trump in 2006 and becoming somewhat of a celebrity for it, however hard work is what I thrive on.

I’m also experienced well enough to know you can ask a top adult actress about business in the hope they will listen to you, if they don’t trust you then the door will be slammed in your face before negotiations can even start.

I work very closely with Stormy’s former friend Alana Evans who is a true professional of the industry, therfore I had no doubt stormy would undoubtedly be the same. After all who would break two legal contracts amongst such high publicity.

Unknown to me Stormy would.

A brief chat in May introducing myself to her I found her an easy women to chat with on the phone , she sounded intelligent and business like, 30 minutes later I am introducing TV agent and Stormy to start negotiations amongst themselves. I was delighted that I had tracked her down to one spot and her making time in her diary for a scheduled call with me.

The following months were not that easy, she changed her mind on the first offer of £750,000 (I use the word work loosely) for a maximum of 3.5 weeks work…. Reason being she has a book to release the end of August back in the USA.

It was eventually negotiated after lots of hard work that she would complete one week as a house guest for £200,000. Obviously it’s not as easy as just signing on a dotted line to seal the deal like others, it’s television and all kinds of paperwork and checks are involved. I know first hand this was a bloody nightmare to get her to complete and left the deal still not completed one week before the show, giving myself, the TV channel and the agent a near heart attack. . Then in true diva style she threats to pull out 12 hours before boarding a flight, throwing not only the show but everyone who has worked so damn hard on it into a meltdown, including me.

I’m lost for words on her behaviour…. I’ve never worked on a business deal like it.. Not even in the Adult industry. The last deal I remember being anything remotely near this bad was when I performed in Sex Survivor 2000 for playboy.

Fast forward to today, she arrives, does the PR video introduction for the show and all required photoshoot material ready for the launch at 9pm. I can now reveal she pulled out at 7 pm two hours before the show went live after suddenly loosing herself in a unbelievable tantrum for no reason, speculation is that it could be related to intoxication, medication, exhaustion or drugs–that can be the only explanation for her sudden change of character and abusive behaviour towards the CBB team. She was to be the star of the show–she was to be given the platform to take control and earn herself a new reputation and mainstream career. One has to ask why did she take the first class flight provided by Channel five in the first place? After five months of negotiations and giving people the run around what was her mission? If it was to prove she breaks more contracts and that her word cannot be trusted then she has concreted this in style. So much so that she has convinced top agents around the world never to want to work her.

People assume Adult stars can be high maintenance, this I don’t deny as some can, however it is only a small percentage as the rest are easy to deal with. Trust me, 20 years of experience I know.

I have flown back from the middle east for the show and to make her feel welcome, I have spent so much time on it and had many sleepless nights because of the Stormy Daniels media circus.

Is all my hard work done, no way as I have to pick up the pieces of many professional people’s trust and rebuild relationships with media that she has ruined. I will be passing on reports to industry leaders and magazines on both sides of the ocean, I hope everyone sees that even by risking the chance on her could cost them dearly.

I will not let her walk out the show and just walk away, she has no idea who she is dealing with when taking on someone like me. -after all I am British and proud of it. I spend a quantity of my time helping young women transition, trying to convince the media that adult models are not just a reflection of a lost soul and the Adult industry does have real business women. In my opinion the Adult industry made her, invested in her alongside my self and others and unfortunately now she is a women who can’t be trusted.

Being aware of unreleased details surrounding this case I will add to the blog in due course. Information has emerged which I feel is in the public interest.

The Katie price negative effect on young women

Screenshot 2018-08-05 at 09.11.22Katie Price has made a bizarre revelation she has intentions to make a sex tape only months after she posted a video online of herself appearing to educate teenage fans on explicit subjects in the street asking if they learnt more from her than their teachers.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/6111241/katie-price-video-sex-talk-13-year-olds/

Recent rumours circulating that she has plans to make another sex tape has not surprised many-even after she was investigated for revenge porn earlier this year involving Alex Reid.

The reality if you make a sex tape and when it gets out (and you should assume it will), it not only affects you, it affects your family, your friends, your acquaintances and the rest of your life and Katie should not be advertising this to her young fans. Katie needs to wake up and realise the negative impact she is having on teenagers and young women.

Her loyal fans follow her every move and it’s natural for them to think that tomorrow is another day and everything they do today will be fine tomorrow-however this is far from true in Jordan Land. What they choose to do today will affect their tomorrow, and the day after that, and the one after that too – forever. Before they know it,they will be 30 or 40 years of age, and will still be living with the consequences of the choices they make today.

Not everyone has the ability to survive the abuse and insults making a sex tape will bring and no celebrity should promote it as a way to gain more popularity,  this is why I am so passionate that every young girl should understand the effects making a sex tape could have.

Katie has sunken to an all time low to try to keep herself recognised as the nations glamour girl by making porn without understanding the responsibility she holds to young women. She has bills to pay- is rumoured to be bankrupt, Peter Andre is rumoured to be helping her out financially- I think this is to save embarrassment for his own children.

Jason Maskell, a former glamour model agent who’s now a successful entrepreneur and CEO of adultXfunding.com, revealed how the tape didn’t even rake in a huge fortune at the time, earning Katie £50,000 at the height of her career.

He said: “Katie Price, aka Jordan, has done one sex tape already and got paid very well for it.

“But, to be totally honest, the day of the sex tapes has gone due to the amount of leaked content of naked celebrities, and I mean real ones, not the UK Z-listed names.

“They may make something, but not as much as in the past. I doubt it would be the same as the £50,000 she got for her original.

Screenshot 2018-08-05 at 09.17.39Unfortunately, for her loyal fans that copycat her every move they simply overlook the context of  her decisions and actions;. and follow her decisions and actions to try to stay in the media for fame.

The impact of making porn is far wider than this and should be taken seriously. It includes making a personal choice to make a sex film, owning it and living with it long-term. Unless you have complete ownership of that footage it will be on the internet forever making someone else money and will not pay your bills, not even in the short-term.

She has made many past critical errors in her career and responsibility to her fans, one was removing her breast inplants- promoting the fact to her loyal fans- then a short time later she had them put back in again. Young women put themselves at risk to copy her.

Her publicised revenge porn on Alex Reid, her public put down of Peter Andre,  her past spats with Dane Bowers to name a few. Yes, she has done some good but this gets over shadowed by her desperate attempt to stay in the spotlight.

Remember, choices you make today will have an impact on your future. I work with many former adult stars and sex workers who try to move on. They suffer low self-esteem, isolation and lack of community skills such as interview skills, resume issues, and how to handle their past to move forward.

Your decision to make a sex tape will always be remembered. You will always be remembered for it – as “that” girl. Do not copy Katie Price.

 

Lianne Young

Sex and relationship counsellor for House of Ardent

 

The real victims of sex abuse

sabuse-1My loyal readers all know I am not afraid to tackle contentious issues. So buckle up – here we go again!

My proposition is that the media’s over-emphasis of the overpaid celebrities who are leading the “#me too” campaign ignores the real victims of sexual harassment and abuse – those who are genuinely in need of protection.

Don’t get me wrong – I am not for a moment condoning any form of non-consensual or unwanted or unacceptable sexual misconduct. However, in my view, the whole #me too campaign has gone too far.

Let’s look first at the celebrities. And again, I must make clear I am not condoning or seeking to excuse unwelcome sexual advances of any nature or in any context. But surely, the question must be asked why these high profile so-called victims – many of whom (and I readily concede not all) tolerated and remained silent about the conduct of which they are now complaining after in some instances 20 years plus, presumably in the interest of advancing their careers – are being given unrivalled media attention.

And all this media coverage to the few is given whilst the real victims of sexual misconduct remain relatively anonymous when compared with those who might be described as privileged and high profile and who, for whatever reason, have decided after many years to speak out.

Now, let’s consider the victims. Of course, there are many such victims, including those of domestic violence, forced marriage, church and other institutional abuse etc … of which I concede there has been some media coverage – in some cases significant and serious coverage. Yet one sector is virtually ignored and misrepresented – those are workers in the sex industry.

The recent UK tabloids’ coverage of the Dorchester Hotel event prompted me to write this article to highlight this ridiculously unbalanced media coverage – of the privileged #me too brigade on the one hand, compared with the lost victims of sexual abuse, including those who work in the sex industry and about whom we hear barely a beep.

For those unfamiliar with the story, the Dorchester was used as a venue recently to host a male only event described as a sexual predators’ playground. An undercover journalist sought to expose the sexual nature of this event, with descriptions of men salivating, taking pictures and drunkenly approaching the women who were employed at the event with unwelcome sexual advances and comments.

Now I am not for a moment condoning such behaviour. And I applaud the journalist’s desire to lift the lid on unacceptable sexual behaviour  However, I beg to differ where the journalist and some of the girls involved said they were treated “like sex workers”.

That comment really brought home to me the relative lack of understanding and media profile – the deafening silence – about the plight of other, lower profile victims such as sex workers. Indeed, it highlighted to me how ignorant the media and broader community are of issues facing the sex industry.

 

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Seriously, how can these men be described as predators for getting drunk and being nothing more than rude? And how can the journalist and these employees truly believe they were treated like sex workers? The world has simply gone #me too far!

Please don’t get me wrong. I applaud and support many of the objectives of the #me too campaign. In particular, I support the principle of non-acceptance of sexual misconduct, unwanted sexual advances, and the importance of encouraging victims of such conduct to speak out. However, as has been well documented by many anti-#me too campaigners, in particular the French former screen actress Catherine Deneuve, who have highlighted the importance of distinguishing between sexual harassment and abuse on the one hand and normal sexual behaviour on the other.

The #me too campaign is at risk of blinding us to the fact that humans are sexual beings. It is part of our identity. It is in our DNA. The campaign fails to differentiate between sexual harassment, abuse and violence on the one hand and normal sexual activity on the other.

Further, the media’s pre-occupation with the relatively few powerful figures who have ultimately seen fit to complain of wanted sexual advances, in many instances after many years and after they have reaped the financial and career rewards of their own mishandling of the incident of which they complain, fails to cover the real, powerless victims of such conduct, particularly those who choose or are forced to enter the sex industry.

What is more, the campaign fails to distinguish between drunken foolish behaviourand normal human sexual interaction.

The Dorchester event journalist compared the girls’ treatment to that off sex workers. And I venture to guess this is simply because the journalist and so-called victims concerned think they know what sex workers have to suffer. Believe me, they don’t.

Participants in the sex industry are one of the many unsung victims of sexual abuse and predatory behaviour. Yet they are the victims the media chooses to overlook. Why? Perhaps because they are seen as people who deserve it.

Most people do not actually understand what a sex worker is, let alone what they endure in the lives they have chosen or been forced by circumstance to pursue. Wikipedia defines sex workers as those who provide direct sexual services such as prostitutes, and some but not all professional dominants; pornographic models and actors who engage in sexually explicit behaviour that is filmed or photographed; phone sexoperators who have sexually-oriented conversations with clients, and those provide audio sexual role play. Other sex workers are paid to engage in live sexual performances, such as webcam sex and live sex shows. Some sex workers perform erotic dances and other act for an audience (stripteaseGo-Go dancinglap dancingNeo-burlesque, and peep shows etc…).

Generally speaking, these are professionals, who are simply trying to earn a living. One thing for sure is they would never have agreed to wear a cheap bit of black cloth, loosely described as a dress, and work for a minimum wage for a male only event fuelled with alcohol and, I am sure, drugs. They would have charged a lot more and would have understood exactly what would be happening. And frankly, I’m pretty sure most of the women who worked at the Dorchester event would have understood the situation too.

The point I am making is that the media coverage of the #me too campaign, and more broadly journalists who should know better, are loosely using the words abuse, harassment, sexual violence and encouraging women to consider themselves victims of being made to feel like a sex worker; and they clearly do not understand what sex workers face on a daily basis.

And these are a group of people who really need the help. Yet they are overlooked by the media that prefers to pander to the relatively few grandstanding show-ponies that put up with unacceptable behaviour in return for untold riches and rewards they clearly coveted.

Many victims who should be encouraged to come forward, including many in the sex industry, are instead portrayed by the media, if the media covers them at all, as a lost cause – as someone who they expect it to happen too.

Recently, this view was implied to me by a newspaper journalist who I asked to help me and my colleague, Kelly Berg from House of Ardent, to expose the appalling abuse that is occurring within the porn industry, including the recent suicide of six young women who had faced physical and mental abuse, on-line bullying and depression. Such sexual violence, harassment and demeaning language is not the price one should pay for seeking employment, whether in the sex industry or otherwise; and nor should be deciding to take your own life. Yet hardly a word has been mentioned of these tragic cases, compared with the virtual avalanche of high profile #me too complaints.

Slut shaming of these women by the media and sometimes even from strangers on social media has gone far too far. It is contributing to these young women not wanting to better themselves because the truth is they never can leave the industry because of the poor choices they made or were forced to make, often in their youth.

Take myself for example. I retired some 18 years ago from the porn industry, and qualified in international business, counselling and mentoring. Similarly, my colleague, Kelly Berg – previously known as Kelly Stafford, retired many years ago after working with only Rocco Siffredi. And we both have offered to the media and others, including the body responsible for the welfare of adult entertainers – UKAP-important insights on the state and welfare of girls working in or trying to leave the industry, some of whom have taken their own lives. Yet we have been constantly not taken seriously because of our past – even though we are seeking to actively mentor and assist those who have faced years of genuine sexual harassment and abuse, and trying to prevent suicides.

My good friend Alana Evans in the USA recently has been inundated with media for refusing to have sex with Donald Trump! However this will soon be overlooked and questioned-Why? Because she is a sex worker.

Only last week, I interviewed a well-known UK porn actress who was groomed, manipulated and provided with false promises of security by a former Bristol MP who gained her trust then prostituted her to his friends. She was blindfolded, gagged and threatened with a sharp metal object. It took her a year to come forward and contact the police about what she had to endure. Yet no one would take her seriously because of her chosen profession. Can you imagine that being the case with a mainstream actress, particularly a successful one?

Many such victims of sexual abuse and harassment do not come forward because they are not the top of the popularity queue. They are not afforded the same compassion, coverage and support given by the media and broader society to the show-ponies from Hollywood.

Judgment, victim shaming, blaming, and fear of violence within the sex industry needs to be addressed. The media should not be covering salacious sexual content and then putting down men for admiring the view.

Further, women should be able to embrace their sexuality and not be called a slut or have it held against them in the future. It’s about time the media gave everyone the equal chance to be protected from sexual predators and abuse – not just the ones with an existing and well-rewarded profile.

It is also time for the media and broader community to learn the difference between normal sexual relations including courting or flirting, call it what you will, on the one hand, and sexual harassment and abuse on the other. It is time to learn guidelines and boundaries – not just towards others but also towards ourselves. I for one would miss the world without eye candy!

According to Oscar Wilde – “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”

It is time for the media and roader society to cover and protect the vulnerable, not just the powerful.

As Catherine Deneuve has observed, it is time for the media and broader society to understand the distinction between normal and acceptable sexual interaction that is part of our DNA and unwanted and unacceptable sexual misconduct.

The media must stop peddling salacious stories that is unsupported by factual research, in particular it must stop misrepresenting the sex industry as a measure of what is and is not sexually acceptable in society. Rather, they must uncover and expose the fact of the appalling abuse that is occurring in that industry and help address the damage caused to participants, including the unacceptably high level of suicide.

And finally, for our own and our childrens’ sakes, the media and society must demand greater education and awareness of appropriate and positive sexual behaviours. Children should learn at a young age what is acceptable in sexual terms and what is not.

Lianne and Kelly are available for interviews via http://www.houseofardent.com

The dark side of porn

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The porn world fascinates many people. However, many remain ignorant of the dark side of the industry – particularly the abuse models encounter.

Veteran adult star, Yurizan Beltran, was found dead yesterday by friends at the age of 31. It appears she died of an overdose.

Beltran performed in more than 200 titles since 2005. She worked with top producers such as Brazzers, Hustler, New Sensations and Digital Sin.

News of Beltran’s death comes whilst the industry is coming to terms with the suicide of August Ames. Many attribute Ames’ death, barely a week ago, to bullying within the industry.

The death of two adult models within such a short period is a shock. However, I suspect these are just the tip of the iceberg, and that many more porn stars have been driven to commit suicide.

So what is causing these women to take their own lives? Is it the so-called “family” they have been surrounded by for their most of their adult careers? – is it a pre-existing condition? – or is there something else going on that needs to be looked into?

Having worked in the adult industry some 20 years ago, I understand, first hand, the journey these models have been on.

I entered the industry for the money, the sex and the sense of belonging. Of these, my greatest disappointment is the false sense of security offered by my peers. However, I feel strongly that I need to speak out. And I do so in the full knowledge of the backlash I will endure. Yes, I am fully expecting to be attacked from industry insiders, some of who are completely unable to understand anything outside “porno land”. Indeed, many of whom don’t really understand what is going on within the very industry in which they work!

Women enter pornography for many reasons – financial, security, a desire to be wanted to name just a few. When they are asked about their experience in the industry and speak openly, they also speak of the “slut shaming” they received.

When I left porn, I never went back. I am one of the very few to achieve this. I managed to put up a hard fight against those very same “slut shamers”. I am proud to say I rose above that and made a name for myself.

Don’t get me wrong. I am very pro-porn in the correct conditions. And I am equally strong in my view that no model should enter the industry without knowing the pros and cons associated with that decision, which I talk openly about on TV.

You will feel part of a big family who support you while you are working and speak positively about the industry. However, report anything negative, and you will be turned on. And the attackers will be the very people who made out they are your supporters. 

The UKAP (uk adult producers) committee leader says he wants to make the industry safer for models, producers and other industry participants. Yet, shockingly, a model recently reported being sexually assaulted by one known performer, and then bullied on-line and shamed by the very person who runs the organisation. Furthermore, she reported it to him because he had put out a warning to women not to work with a man who had done time in prison for beating his wife a week earlier.

Many people came out to support this model against the abuse she had received. Indeed, when I challenged him, I was quoted on-line under his page “Naked Truth Podcast” as a “freeholder of a vagina”.

Seriously, how on earth can such a person who purports to have the interests of adult industry workers at heart state publicly that “If people really cared about their safety then they should not walk into situations they can’t deal with”; and “ I am not your daddy”.

He then used UKAPs own twitter feed to say “I’ve discussed this with a couple of members and seen the text exchanges. There is nothing to mediate. You admitted and apologised profusely. This is not our business.” Why put this out on social media for the world to see. She came to the committee to ask for assistance; she reported the guy; and she was told it was her own fault and an apology from the accused was enough! No woman asks to be sexually assaulted.Come on!

And I have to ask – Is this just him or the whole committee thinking this way? I assume it’s UKAP, as it went out under their feed. If this is not the case, then I think all members need to question their social media responsibilities before one man takes them down – the very same man who retweeted all the victim’s private messages to him and “victim shamed her”.

Somewhat pathetically, he then stated that people should not work or trust me and my services. Seriously? I know more about the industry than he ever will from a woman’s perspective, and I will not accept that access by models to specialists should be blocked by him because I think he is wrong. Kelly and I are simply trying to offer a much-needed service to models but are being stopped for fear of exposing the real dark under belly of UK porn.

I took up this issue because I am qualified counselor. My colleague, Kelly Berg and I have particular empathy and skills to help adult models. We are former adult stars. We have survived the abuse within and backlash from our chosen careers. And we are here to help. And we can help. Whatever your problem – whether simply to find a way out of the industry; or, something more serious – we are here to help – WE WILL TAKE ACTION.

Kelly and I believe in the importance of choices, ethical porn and the safety of models. We don’t accept sabotage, rape, assaults, abuse, bullying and many of the other negative experiences encountered by many within the industry.

We often receive abuse ourselves for revealing the truth and not agreeing with certain people. For example, we will never agree with the text received from the committee leader who thinks it is ok to allow certain models to fake HIV certificates. Similarly, we will never agree it is acceptable for such a so-called leader to attack models who are victims of indecent assault.

Kelly and I always maintain that models should think long and hard about joining or remaining in the industry. Once you have been in the industry, people are quick to judge you in all areas of life. Your life will never be the same.

Sadly some will enter the world of porn and never leave. Others will take their own lives. Our message is do not tolerate abuse from anyone, let alone your peers. Report abuse immediately to someone you can trust. If you need assistance in reporting issues to the correct authorities we will help you.

Kelly, and I are qualified in counseling, particularly in transitioning models from adult to regular work if you require it. After all, we did so successfully. We will also provide the truth to anyone wanting to enter the industry, there are some good folks, just not enough.

As I said at the outset of this article, I fully expect to be the subject of backlash and abuse myself for publishing these views. However, the truth is out there in black and white for viewers to see. I only speak the truth. Maybe its about time that pornographers should be licensed, and the industry subject to proper regulations, including producer health and safety responsibility, workplace insurance and background checks and led by real leadership.

 

LIanne Young  and Kelly Berg
There is famous saying in life – It is nice to be important, but important to be nice.

Porn effects on a child’s brain

The world is now a place where everything is available at the click of a finger, where ignorant parental control is high, and teenagers are given a iPad to keep them quiet and now nearly all children have mobile phones and can freely access the internet. It is estimated that around 80% of 13 year olds have watched pornography and in some cases children as young as five.

Pornography does more damage to a child’s brain than that of a adults simply because they are still developing and and are not educated about emotions. Pornography changes a teenagers perspective on the way they think and look at relationships and it can easily turn to an addiction.

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Memory and thinking

A child’s brain is developing right up until adulthood and as they are born with no images, information, memories or anything programmed into their minds they find alot of information to help them from the internet. When they develop they are simply learning as they go along in life, they are given the simple instructions of life and are taught right from wrong yes,  but most adults are unable to talk about emotions with teenagers as they are also not educated on emotions enough, if at all. Children and teenagers are often told they are too young to understand emotions or told off if they raise thier voice, get mad or cry. Not providing children with an understanding that crying, anger, upset or any emotion is a natural feeling is as bad as letting a child learn for themselves. Unfortuantly this is happening more often than not.

Pornography on a teenage brain

Children watch pornography which releases chemicals in the brain and for many they will feel aroused for the first time, which of course is an enjoyable experience. The hormone that is released is during this time is called dopamine and it is responsible for memory, mood, attention and pleasure which is activated when someone experiences pleasure. Pornography is arousing  to teenagers and it satisfies their sexual urges which is why they watch as much as they can, as this goes on the brain needs more dopamine and this is where an addiction to pornography can begin.

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Relationships

Pornography has a place in society for over 18s  who understand sex, arousal, desire and relationships, the very things minors don’t. They probably first watch porn because it’s fun to break the rules, then they get pleasure from it and think it’s the way sex happens in real life relationships.

This is where the brain acts on desire and arousal and not education and it builds a false understanding of sex and relationships. I am asked by many adults and media professionals how I know so much on this subject, when I tell them I was an adult actress from the 90s they stop listening, which is exactly where the problem begins. People, especially media need to understand the best education on reality v fantasy of pornography is from someone who has experienced both sex acting and real sex. I believe parents and education providers need to be educated on the very subject they are telling their children not to look at, after all it’s not ever going away.

Teenage addictions

When children watch pornography repeatedly they receive something known as a chemical bath, this is when the brain can’t produce the amount of chemicals the brain needs for pleasure. Repeated watching of pornography can lead to them not being sexually aroused by normal sex acts and they have to look for other ways to get their pleasure. This is a serious worry as they may access sites which are much worse than simple pornography and may have violence and dominance involved. This can lead to personality disorders and sometimes worse a growing desire to act out what they see on screen.

Pornography shows people with great bodies and this can affect a teenagers perception of how they are meant to look and with teenagers easily influenced by what they see on-screen or in the media they can easily develop confidence issues. This is the same crucial stage the body goes through many developing stages as they grow from teenagers to adults and this can lead to eating disorders. This is the stage they need to be educated on what is fantasy v reality.

Ignoring the discussion of pornography and trying to sweep it under the carpet is not going to help, in fact it will cause more damage than good. My advice is to accept it is in our world and always will be, understand its place in society and research the correct information you need to educate your own children and not pass the buck to the educational system.

Written by;

Pornography expert and Addictions Therapist

Lianne Young

What is a real Porn Addict?

pornaddictionSimilar to someone with a drink or drug addiction, porn addicts tend to replace important relationships and commitments with their drug of choice, pornography. It’s a compulsive and consistent sexual problem which will manifest in many ways. You can easily recognise if you are becoming a porn addict as you will isolate yourself from others, you will spend hours or even days amongst images and experiences in which porn provides. While some porn addicts use masturbation as part of their act, this can lead to no intimate sex with your partner.

I have been asked many times if I am a sex or porn addict, no I am not. I don’t see my enthusiastic desire to engage in sex as wrong, I see it as healthy and my partner is definitely not complaining. As for being a porn addict I can assure you after participating in adult movies I am way too critical of the way performers act on film for me to become an addict! I would make a great critic mind you.

Some of the signs you are becoming a porn addict are: you have an inability to stop your behavior of using porn, you get angry if asked to stop watching porn, Your hiding your amount of use of porn, your living a double secret life, you’re getting lost in porn and your spending more time than intend watching it.

Don’t get me wrong, if you use it to masturbate and  watch it before doing so, I don’t consider this a problem…I’ve done it enough myself! It’s also great to watch with a partner.

 

What is Porn Addiction

For many having a porn addiction is hard-literatly , the addiction needs honesty and outreach. This begins by finding someone who has knowledge working with sex addicts and opening up to them without feeling embarrassed. Just like the 12 step program in AA, there is a 12 step sexual recovery programme.

Pocket Porn has become a massive problem amongst men and women since the rise in technology, now they can communicate at any time with webcam and many women, and men are happy to take naked pictures of themselves and send them out. Women in particular who suffer low self-esteem or body issues are more likely to develop a sexting habit.

Porn addiction is not defined by the type of sexual act, or by the choice of sexual partner, it’s more by the person’s inability or unwillingness to stop their sexual eagerness despite the consequences.

Why is porn addiction so high?

Astonishing figures show that there is a massive rise in porn addiction, over 60% of people with a porn addiction have never visited a strip club or rented a porn movie! Easy access has made it easy for the person to be anonymous, so they can’t be embarrassed. I remember before the internet came out, whilst I was working in LA as an adult actress, it was so high standard and we made an absolute fortune compared to today. As soon as the internet came in and it was easier to access porn and the industry became a different world. It is at this point I retired.

With remarkable speed, more people who have never had an addiction have become addicted to porn. With over one million pornographic sites on the internet, 10,000 added in the last year, and one quarter of the internet request now revolving around pornography, pornography sites make up 12% of internet sites making it so widespread. There is no wonder more people are becoming porn addicts.

The Virtual reality world is now filled with sexual content, they make it possible to invent experiences, relationships and identities while experimenting in the virtual world. Unfortunately this changes people’s interpersonal skills as they become more used to tech porn.

Virtual reality porn does contain positive aspects also, it helps provides secrecy, where people can look for intimacy and feel a sense of freedom and power. As users dabble in the privacy their own homes users make it a personal and untraceable experience and can fulfil their sexual fantasies. Unfortunately with every positive comes a negative and the user may become reliant on online porn, leading to them becoming an addict.

 

pornographySo how do people get addicted?

Well the industry is great at making people stay hooked. The adult porn industry is a multibillion pound industry designed to lure in unsuspecting new customers. They use banner advertisements or spam e-mail is unsolicited. Often spam emails will hide behind their links.

The sex industry also uses legitimate sites to lure new customers. Many pornographic sites have addresses similar to non-pornograpahic sites. If you search for words ambiguous such as girls, pump, young, and even ball you are most likely directed to a sex site. The internet has no bounds, it is global and it is the biggest banking business on the internet. It’s supported by all the banks as they provide the payment platform for a big percentage of the takings. Yes, everyone is connected to the porn world in some way or another.

What can be done?

With porn addiction no longer just for the creepy loner, lonely man or women, it is everywhere. Normal people from all walks of lives are claiming that pornography has taken over their lives. The criteria for determining if you are addicted to porn are much the same as ones used to identify other addictions. If you are viewing, reading, watching or thinking about pornography so it is interfering with your work, your relationships, your family and your social interactions, it is a problem.

Here are some tips to try to regain your online use.

Think carefully about why you want to avoid porn sites, what is important to you?  are you wasting time on these sites? are you concerned it’s affecting your family? are you losing sleep? do you feel guilty? Having a strong reason to quit pornography is a great motivator.

Make a promise to yourself that you will try not to watch pornography. Making a promise is setting boundaries.

Do your best to keep your promise. Habits are going to be hard to break, if you feel like you’re slipping, think about the benefits of staying away from porn.

Look at yourself in the mirror when you have tempting thoughts tell yourself that you are not that person. If this doesn’t work then see how much money you have spent on it as this should hopefully reconfirmed it’s not worth it.

Get rid of everything on your computer remotely related to porn. Delete bookmarks, delete history, resign memberships and disable your webcam.

Develop an interest away from the computer such as a hobby, join a gym, spend time with family. There are many things you can do without a computer. Think and stay positive, congratulate yourself and focus on what to do, not what you can’t do.

 

As with most addictions they can get you down, you need to ask for help and put in the hard work.