Why you need to take a break from your relationship

relationshipWe have all had those moments when we have said to ourselves our partner is driving us crazy, so why do we not take a break?

Taking a break from your relationship has a bad reputation, yet it could save your relationship in the long run. The first thing most people think when their partner asks for a break is that their significant other does not love them anymore, that they can’t stand to be around them and in most cases this is far from the truth.

Many people ask for relationship breaks for a variety of reasons and it usually has nothing to do with things not running smoothly, it may be because they are restless. Many men need time out from the relationships so they concentrate on themselves instead of a “we” for a while, this way they can figure out if you are the one they want to spend the rest of their lives with. The best thing you can do is not to fight with him as this will push him further away and put your relationship on the rubbish heap completely. It is perfectly normal for them to want to make the right decision especially if it is a life long commitment. Believe me men don’t just like to settle, they like to make sure they make the right decision.

REASONS FOR A BREAK

1. The main reason people have breaks from relationships is because of arguing. Arguing occasionally is normal, however when it becomes constant it can be sole destroying and can harm your health and your mind. Its is said by psychology now that if you argue more than 20% of your relationship then you should definitely take a break. During the break you need to use the time to think about your own options and find ways you can avoid arguing in the fture, learn how to communicate without attacking one another again.

2. Taking a long break due to relocation or travelling is also a common reason for putting hold on your relationship. People seem to think distance will make you grow apart, however take it from me this is not always the case, I had a partner who lived 12,000 miles away and we learnt about quality time over quantity of time and it provided much-needed “me” time  to concentrate on my own ambitions and future. So if you partner wants to achieve something from his/her bucket list don’t hold them back instead support them. Of course if your partner really does want to break up then ask them straight if it is you they want to break up from or the relationship itself. You have to be brave and accept their decision if he wants to move on and use this time to invest in yourself. Remember you lose the relationship not your life.

3. People need time for reflection and it helps makes the heart grow fonder with the absence. This time will give you both a new perspective on your relationship and determine how you both really feel about one another. It is very difficult to be able to reflect on your relationships well you are actually in it so using the break time will allow you to figure out if the relationship compliments you long-term. During your time apart you can talk about the difficulties your relationship has been going through and discuss if it is really what you both want.

HOW TO COPE ON A BREAK

It can feel emotionally and physically draining when you encounter a break up, use this time to set yourself ground rules. Set time limits that you allow yourself to think about your significant other so it does not take over your whole day. I used to allow an hour a day for focusing on the relationship and by allowing myself to think about it helped me manage it better.

Make ground rules on whether you can date others during your time apart, this way you can determine what determination you both have about saving the relationship. Seeing other people during a break is not something I recommend unless you are both strong-minded people and see it as a physical connection and not an emotional one. Seeing other people during a break up does not always lead to a full-time break up, sometimes it makes someone realise how much they wish to work at the relationship, however tred carefully if you decide you can see others during this time.

The final key point is to discuss the length of the break up, you need to mark an end date on when to discuss if you are going to continue with the break up or not. During the break up do your best to be social and not to wallow in self-pity, otherwise what is the point in taking a break? Use this time to enjoy time with your friends and invest in yourself for a while.

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I specialise in singles counselling therapy to help individuals during break ups and help them learn about relationships. Many people carry emotional baggage from one relationship to the text spreading the damage along the way. In every relationship we need to leave the past behind and invest in our futures. If you need help please email me.

My Detention Centre Journey

img_2269It’s pouring with rain outside, the palm trees are blowing furiously  well the sea wall takes bashing from the 100 mph waves. No one would believe I am on the luxury island of Bali, Indonesia. Trust me I can’t believe it myself.

Right this minute I should be sat in a classroom in Perth, Western Australia studying my last course which will give me freedom to live anywhere in the world. I’m super qualified in business Management and have hardly ever been out of work, I have followed most rules in my life, certainly all visa rules.

 So how come I am in Bali and not attending my studies? Well it was a rough journey, one that took 80 hours of flying and six countries over a two-week period, and it goes something like this.

The journey begins

December 5th (2016) – I depart London heading back to Perth. My partner and I already had our own christmas arrangements, he will be spending his with his children skiing in Japan. I will head to New Zealand to visit family. He will fly back to Perth on 8th Jan and I fly back on the 10th January. 

(I Had a wonderful three-week holiday in New Zealand.)

January 10th (2017)- I depart Auckland eager to get back  to Perth, I knew what studies I needed to do and was due to start January 30th.I needed to get back and get organised. I departed Auckland heading for Sydney which is a popular route as few direct flights go to Perth directly. What could possibly go wrong!

3 PM– I touch down in Sydney excited I am pretty much half way home. I follow the transfer line and enter immigration to run for my connecting flight. I waited my turn and held out my passport when the ladies face changes and she says “can you hold on a minute please, immigration wish to see you”.

I wait patiently when a male immigration officer comes over and asks me to follow him. He asks what is my purpose in Australia, I explained I am staying with my partner and about to attend studies. I have travelled on a tourist visa, choosing to convert to another type of visa when in Australia,  it’s much easier and less time-consuming.

To cut a very long story short I was taken to an airport immigration security room and asked a variety of questions, such as, who is your partner, what work do you do, how long are you staying, do you have finances.  I answered all of them with no issue.

I was then asked to agree for my luggage to be searched. I know he was only doing his job and with nothing to hide I said ‘OK’, I knew I never had any drugs or anything illegal..  I waited in the office well they stripped my suitcase , then they found and went through my phone with a toothpick! I stayed calm, the man’s just doing his job I kept telling myself. Then a women comes in rather abrupt with photocopies of emails saying your relationships is over, you’re here to work not study and your lieing to us. WTF

I asked her to contact my partner to which she refused, after an hour they eventually left him a voice message. He was in a courtroom (he is a lawyer) so could not just answer his phone. Well too late for me, it was time to clock off for the immigration officer and he simply said “I have to make a decision based on the facts and he’s not called back and I am due to leave. No explanation, no waiting for proof, going home was more important to him. He denied me entry.

Being denied entry meant I was immediately put  under security. Two security officers will be arriving to transfer me to a detention centre. I got scared only hearing horror stories of these places. I asked for my phone, my personal belongings etc. the answer was NO. Suddenly I felt like a criminal, to which I am not. They were nice enough to put my partner through to my immigration room  phone when he called back before security came to collect me. A bit fucking late of them to be so nice now!

The Detention centre

I fear the worse we have all heard the horror stories of it being like a prison. I have seen the news and read in the media how bad they are, so you should understand I was nerved. The two female security officers come to get me and inform me I am off to Villawood Immigration Detention Centre which is 30 mins from Sydney airport. No phone, no way to speak to someone it suddenly hit me that I had no idea how long I would be here.

I arrive for check in, greeted by smiles and forms to fill in and asked if I needed anything, I said I would love a coffee, never expecting it after my recent experience of  the immigration officer in Sydney. I was super surprised when shown the kitchen where I could help myself to food (which looked very nutritious meals and endless amounts of coffee). I grabbed a coffee and waited in a small waiting room with the television for my name to be called. It looked no different from a waiting room in a doctor’s surgery.  I was the only female, the only white person in the waiting room with other five males who spoke no English.

I needed to smoke and asked the female officer if she had a cigarette as they would not let me by any on route, she obliged and even had a cool chat outside.

Once through the check in I was shown  to my room in the main detention block, which yes, is situated in the prison but highly secured so you don’t mix with the real criminals, I was pleasantly surprised when I saw my room, I had a bunk bed, desk, wardrobe, endless amounts of free mineral water, coffee, cereals and even fresh fruit. THis was nothing like people had been selling through the media.  The flat screen TV in the common room was surrounded by sofas. The television was off and you could hear a pin drop it was that quiet and cozy. I was supplied with fresh towels, tooth-brush and even pyjamas. There was no need for pyjamas as it was 40 degrees.

I settled in first then headed to the office to ask f  could make a call, they said only an international one. I rang a friend who could let my partner know I was safe and actually impressed and being looked after well. I was even offered a cigarette, I guess saying my ‘please’ and ‘thank you’s’ helped. I went back to the common room where the other detainees from pakistan and Malaysia were sat. They seemed quiet and scared so I started a conversation with them, I guessed them  around 19-25 in age, they had looks of disappointment on their faces and I wanted to help make them smile. We spoke and discovered each others stories or why we are here, most were wrong visas. I wanted to cheer them up and explained that this is not the end of their life journey,  it’s just side step to where we are meant to be in life. I even heard a few laughs, and everyone had smiles on their faces when I retired to bed, not that I could sleep, I did not even know how long I would be here. I decided it was best to go with the flow and follow the rules, after all I am not judged here for race, color, sexuality or anything.

At 8 am the following morning I was put through on a call to Qantas asking if I wanted to purchase a flight later that same day to London, I told them do I have to go back to UK,  ‘yes’ as its my passport country and they have to send you back to your country I was told… Damn I thought, it’s cold there. I was fortunate enough to have credit with Qantas which would cover my flight,  I was due to leave at 4 pm.  I had 8 hours left  so I asked questions of the security team. The Security team is an English company called’ Serco’ who provides security all over the world in detention centres. 

I asked how long some people had been in detention, some had been here 7 years! Why I asked, I was told they choose to stay as they receive  more money on the weekly allowance in a detention camp than they can earn back in their own country, plus they get free housing and food. Shit I wonder if I can make money from my stay!

Now don’t get detention centres mixed up with refugee camps, that’s a whole different story and one I don’t know much about. What I did find out during my stay in detention is you do have a choice how long you stay. They have to give you 72 hours to pay for your own flight out, then they find one for you which you will need to pay back if you don’t. I also discovered there is no control from the detention centre how long people stay, it’s not their decision, but well you are in their company they look after you, and very well. Yes for some it is unsafe to go back to their own countries, but first ask yourself how did they gt in the country in the first place? Trust me when I say they don’t get sent home if their is a danger to thier life, and they are looked after well in detention and paid a comfortable allowance. Facilities include recreational sporting, tuck hops and schools.

Before I left the detention centre to head to the airport my lunch was delivered which consisted of chicken curry and rice, with a side salad and chocolate pudding dessert!  I ate and waited for my security team to pick me up and transport me back to the airport. It gave me the chance to thank each and every one of the staff for looking after me so well, I thanked the other detainees for their conversations and gave them words of encouragement to go on. In a way I felt sad leaving not knowing what will happen to the others, I just hope they did well.

At Sydney airport I am put in a prison cell and asked what movie I wanted to watch!  it’s the complete opposite to the dungeon quality  treatment the news has been reporting. Once boarding commenced  I was first on and sat at the back-they would not let me upgrade to business class this time! The flight went via Dubai and eventually 23 hours later  I arrived in Terminal 3 in freezing cold England! I had already made plans this was a short trip and walked over to Terminal 4 to check in for my flight to Singapore, three hours later.

You see I had made the decision not one person can stop me being who I want to be,  not harming anyone and travelling with my own money why not do it. It takes no one but me to let theses experiences ruin me.

 

img_2316I boarded the flight back to Singapore via Doha and was greeted by a friendly face at the airport. I had been travelling for 3 days with no sleep.  The round trip of Auckland-Singapore via the detention centre, via Dubai, London, Doha and now finally Singapore… all I needed was sleep.  Yes,the experience has chucked a curve to my plans, but it has not stopped them. Now I await in Bali where I headed to after Singapore until I hear back from Australian Immigration about whether I can go back in and continue my studies. In the meantime well in limbo land I am not wasting a moment, I will go on building adventures and achieving dreams. If not in Australia, who knows maybe Bail!
I wanted to write this experience so people know not to give up on your dreams, you will manage in difficult times by going with the flow. The only person that can stop you achieving your goals are you. Hey, I am on a sun kissed beach living a life which cost 1/10 of what it does in Australia or the UK. Maybe its down to Karma telling me to take some time. Who knows.

Sex, knowledge, and Choclate cake!

What kind of contraceptive do you use for intercourse? Withdraw method, contraceptive pill, diaphragm, condoms, Injection? Whatever it is it implies your having sex. This, or you use it as a hormone balance so you can have sex, right? 

On my travels around the world, you would be amazed how many people from all corners are still scared to talk openly about contraceptive methods. It should be as easy as talking about what you eat for breakfast! I mean, some people just love scrambled egg… secretly hoping they don’t get fertilised.

Years ago, when I took studies to get certificated in sex education and contraception, the topic of unwanted pregnancies was spoken about amongst the girls, and boys in equal measure. Yet, they knew little about contraception, but all wanted sex… 

When I approached the subject about what contraception they used, condoms was the top ranking method. However, most admitted they never used them every time, just most the time! When I asked how they choose what time they used them, the reply was “we use them when we have them on us”. Which raises questions, who’s responsible for buying them? Where do you buy them?, how many do you buy at a time? I mean, imagine people who are having sex every weekend, several times, but only buying three at a time. Kind of interesting, don’t you think? especially if they are resticted to sex only three times! no pressure….

The reason I approach this subject with parents now, is because they don’t know how to ask their children, if they are having sex, when, where, and who with. This is something every parent needs to know and be able to do. As I mentioned in previous article, sex is not about reproduction, its about enjoyment between two people attracted to one another.  Surely, it should be spoken about as easy as what’s for dinner. Surely you would not want people to run out of condoms. People go to the shops and stock up on cereals, soap, hygiene products. But people don’t do this with condoms. Adults, and teenagers alike. Instead they wait until there’s none left and take a risk, hoping they don’t have an accident.

Saying no to sex is much tougher than walking past a cake stand and resisting, no matter how hard you try. Imagine this, your dying for a cake, tou can smeell a fresh baked cake, you just have to have one. You promise yourself no cakes and its totally on your mind, you really, really want one. You resist until you cant resist aanyore, after all its only one cake. Then you give in, feel a little guilty, but its ok, it’s  just one cake the guilt will go. Once you do this with contraception, it will happen again. Either this or you have to be really excited and not want to do it. Or you have to be depressed about not being able to do it. This is why everyone needs to look at contraceptive behaviour in the real way..nd make it as ordicanry as talking about whats for dinner.

Adults getting  educated on contraception is one of the best things you can do. It mKes it alot easier to talk about chocolate cake and sex over a chat. Not being able to talk about it causes all kinds of  problems from STIs, unwanted pregancies, self destruction  and guilt. I’m sure you would rather discuss the enjoyment of sex with your partner and children, unless you would rather discuss the details after.

And remember, just handing over condoms  without a chat is like giving some one address to head too with no map!  Stay tuned for my next article on HOW TO TALK ABOUT SEX.

Visit http://www.houseofardent.com for more advice and articles on sex and relationships.

Is your medication affecting your sex life?

Füße eines Paares im Bett. Trennung und Scheidung

Where’s my sex drive gone?

Health issues and its impact on sex is not spoken about often enough. When it comes to sexuality, there are a lot of ways in which health impacts peoples sexual functioning, sexual feelings, sexual behaviours and sexual decision-making.

Medications are the cause of a large amount of sexual issues with many related to people taking  antidepressants, ulcer treatments, dieretics, and any kind of medication that dries you up such as anti inflammatory, for some people it can prevent arousal or interfere with the orgasm or it has a significant impact on sexual functioning by lowering the libido.

Unfortunately what also adds to this is that people sometimes don’t want to talk about its effect with their partner, sometimes people just stop having sex, or stop doing their favorite sexual things. Some even stop masturbating, and as we all know this can make people even more depressed and damn right cranky. Not all people are confident to report theses problems to thier doctors either, which is counterproductive because they need too in order to have medication changed and to be placed on another kind that does not have the same side effects.

Now, I don’t know about any of you but if I am in pain probably the last thing I want to do is have sex, and if I do I want it over and done with quick so I am not hurting anymore. I’m sure you all remember your sex education days at school, right? You know the class where they told you all about the male and female reproductive and genital areas in 30 minutes. Let me tell you what they never told you, they never told you about all your erogenous zones, the sexual parts of your body. Theres the knees, the lower back, the neck, the hips, the elbows, and if they hurt it’s really difficult to enjoy sex. Nobody talks about this which makes people think they have a sexual dysfunction when in fact they have not.

People suffer a similar loss around sexuality as they do with any other kind of loss. When people cannot perform in their favorite positions because they suffer pain when they do, or they are afraid that it will hurt after they suffer loss.  And if they don’t talk about it, it can not be cured. Some people can’t even masturbate anymore because of a hand injury and have to give it a rest for 3-6 months, can you imagine this?  No, me neither.

Many people are embarrassed by sexual dysfunction because they think there is something wrong with them, when in fact they do not have a sexual dysfunction, irs down to high street medication. People need to be more open and aware of what medications they are taking, or their partners are taking. If something is affecting your sexual performance it may not be anything wrong with you, it could just be something you are taking. 

So if you do have something preventing you enjoying sex, do not let in manifest and go see your GP.

 

Why every relationship needs a contract

In the beginning of any relationship it is lustful and exciting as you get to know one another, then you fall in love and bingo you are in a full-blown relationship. Then comes the next step of moving in together. The next decision is where do you live, who moves, who’s paying what, how big will the house be and how it will fit the both of you. This is the easy part as they are all easy to negotiate but what about the small print?
In long-term relationships, of course, there are agreements, many of which are unspoken. Many of which are invisible, until someone breaks them, and until this time they don’t give any thought at all of the relationship contract. The deal of a relationship contract is not about love, the love word does not come into it, it’s about the vision of the relationship. Do you agree on what the rules are?  Do you agree on what the boundaries are?  Do you agree on what is off-limits?  Do you agree on the vocabulary you are going to use when you talk with each other? Most likely the answer is no, you just met, fell in love and decided to be together, and as you know relationships are expensive in many ways.

This would be like myself going up to a close friend and saying “Hey you know I really like you, let’s start a company together”.  Of course my friend say “that’s a great idea”. We have no idea what the company is going to do, we have no budget, we don’t know where the company is going to be located, but we know we are going to have a company.

When a couple does not have a shared vision of the relationship they don’t know what to expect, and what they can rely on. It’s about learning and agreeing how to handle a situation.  This is why a relationship contract is advised. 

How to write a contract

A relationship contract is a document that gets written up and signed by (usually) two people within an intimate relationship. But, in truth, the contract is about having a very honest conversation. It isn’t legally binding. It isn’t a marital contract. It’s a relationship contract.

You sit down together and say, “Okay, what does being in a relationship mean to us individually? What’s important to us that we make sure we include in here? What can we put in our contract that would make you feel safe, loved, seen, and cared for?”

You write down/type up all of the things that each of you wants to include, print it off, and sign it. Then you have your very own custom-made relationship contract!

 Say it as it is.. Tuesday

Every Tuesday, Lianne at ‘House of Ardent’ will answer problems on sex, relationships and life. ‘Truthful Tuesdays’ is an opportunity to address any questions you may have. If you want Lianne’s advice please email  lianne@houseofardent.co.uk

 

Lianne

I am in a 25-year-old guy who is in a long distance relationship and it is tearing me apart. I love my girlfriend to bits and don’t want to lose her but I can’t rid these feelings of insecurities. She said she wants to be with me and has put her life on hold until I finish my university degree when we can be togeather full-time. She is based in the UK and I am in Australia. I have asked her to be with me in Australia but she said she can’t leave her job which I understand. I am kept awake at night with thoughts going through my mind of her being with someone else and I just don’t know what to do. Sometimes I don’t get any sleep and it’s making me feel sick and depressed. I would so appreciate your advice.

I am so sorry to hear of the anxiety and confusion you are going through, let me reassure you I know how hard it is to have a long distance relationship, I have dad one. You need to sit down and address a few issues soner rather than later as it’s clear your partner fully supports and loves you and wants you both to be together full-time once your studies are over. Start by being open about your emotions and talking about how you feel, she sounds like a supportive partner so will understand.. The best thing about long distance relationships is that it gives both people the chance to be independent and show support for the other during hard times. Why not ask her to send you a bit of her clothing so you can smell her and feel she is with you. Also try date nights where you can date on skype and flirt with one another, this will show anc reassure the other just how much you love them.

Don’t try to make the mood low by saying how much you miss her repeatidly, this can make her feel you have insecurities and can make her feel uneasy. Instead explain how much you miss her then say how great her clothing smells and how well she looks. When you make someone feel confident they will want to make you feel good about yourself. Hang in there because long distance relationships can work as long as the couple support one another and are in the same page.

Lianne

I have been dating this guy for around one month and he keeps asking to meet my friends and family. I like him a lot but am not in love with him and feel he is pushing me before I am ready. He keeps suggesting I don’t like him as much as he likes me and that I am embarrassed of him as I don’t introduce him to anyone. I am just a private person who has been single for many years and don’t feel the rush to make introductions in a hurry . How can I tell him I like him alot but I need him to back off a bit. Louise

Louise,  to be perfectly honest you have to say it how it is and be strong about it. There is nothing worse than a pushy guy demanding you introduce him to your friends and family, you need to make sure he is hearing you from the start. When you are both alone and calm suggest a chat about your relationship and how you are feeling pressured, use this oppotunity  to inform him you choose to be wirh him and not need to be, tell him to take it as a compliment and to work with you and not push you. At the same time try to find out if he has insecurities about your relationship and why, he may feel he needs to open up to you about a past relationship that he may have been hurt by, its only then you know what you are dealing with can you solve the issue. Remember stay assertive and don’t be made to feel uncomfortable.

Lianne

I have got myself in a crazy situation. I am in a relationship with a guy I have been with for 2 years and we are really happy. However, last week I went to a job interview for an office job which followed with wine, I got the job. The man interviewing me was so charming and before I realized what was happening we were drinking in his hotel room and undressing one another. We went on to have the best sex I have ever had, something that has have been lost with my partner recently.  I now have to go away on a training week with the same man who interviewed me and I just know I am going to fall in bed with him as I have not stopped thinking about him.  I feel so guilty towards my partner but really need this job as I have been unemployed for nearly 12 months. Jane

 

Jane,  I have to admit you have reminded me of a situation I got myself in many years ago and I’m happy to say you can also get yourself out of it to. Just like one of my old managers. I am sure he came across charming especially as he made you feel confident about getting your new job, you celebrated with drinks and it seemed nothing could go wrong, however it did and in a big way. See it as a one-off and stay focused on your job if you can’t then walk away. I can assure you these kind of flings lead nowhere and it will not help you climb the ladder in your career. There is only one industry you can sleep your way to the top and it’s not an office job! I know it’s been 12 months but there are other jobs out there. 

You also need to look at your relationship and be honest about what is missing and how you can get it back on track with your partner if you want too. Explain to him that you are feeling the relationship has lost its passion and you want it back. One more word of advise try to leave the booze alone when in situations where emotions can run wild.

 

Say it as it is..Tuesday

FB_IMG_1458011156433Every Tuesday, Lianne at ‘House of Ardent’ will answer problems on sex, relationships and life. ‘Truthful Tuesdays’ is an opportunity to address any questions you may have. If you want Lianne’s advice please email  lianne@houseofardent.co.uk

 

Lianne

My friend has been heterosexual since I have known her which is 9 years. She Has 3 children and married the love of her life. Unfortunately they got divorced and she went off the rails and became addicted to drink and drugs, thankfully she is now sober. I seen her on FB and I saw that she was in a loving relationship with a new man which was going well until she suddenly disappeared for 6 months. She has now got back in touch and revealed she has married a women! I’m so confused and think she is making a real mistake.  I don’t know how to deal with it or even to take her seriously. D x

 

This seems a lot to take in for anyone, no wonder you are confused. Her divorce obviously knocked her off-balance and she went off the rails for a while, it happens to a lot of people. You have to be thankful that she sort the help she needed through rehabilitation and  is now clean. Once thing I can tell you is that rehab comes with fantastic therapy which really helps people rebuild their lives. Maybe she discovered during her time there that she was attracted to women but decided not to act on it because it was the wrong time, which is why she dated another man. That relationship ended and she has moved on and found love again, so what if it’s with a women. The way to view this is that she is feeling love again and she is happy. Support her as a friend and ask questions, don’t avoid her just because you don’t know what to say. Why don’t you invite her for a coffee just the two of you, then you can see if she seems genuinly happy and genuine. This gives you the opportunity to raise any concerns you may have about her mental state. I suspect she will tell you she is happy where she is at right now and that’s what counts.

 

Lianne

I split up with my partner and went straight into another relationship. The guy was lovely but it never quite grew into a full on love relationship and we agreed to break up, we are still great friends. Since then I have not had the desire to date or have sex again. I don’t have trust issues and I have a mature outlook for my age I’m 45. What’s wrong with me. Why do I not have an interest in dating or sex when I still like men? I don’t want to be alone forever but I am scared I will. How do I get the urge back to want to meet someone?

Jessica

 

It sounds to me like you are not putting yourself in situations to meet new people, therefore your libido is shouting  out it’s ‘out of sight so may aswell be out of mind’!  Many people have failed relationships and easily go on to date and have sexual encounters by simply getting back out there and getting on with life.

There is another well know saying ‘if you don’t use it, you lose it’! It has never been truer than when it comes to sex. If we don’t have sex,  we don’t want sex. It’s like with most things if you don’t have it front of you then you don’t desire it!  

My advice is to get yourself back out there and grab yourself some attention and get back in on the action. If you can’t go out then go online, there are thousands of websites and apps for every kind of date, casual, short-term, long-term and some specifically for the over 40s. One thing I have discovered over the years is that it’s ok to be single,  but we still need attention.

Go grab yourself some wine, put on a dress and some lipstick and go get some action girlfriend.

 

Lianne my name is Mark,  I am a good-looking 24 year mixed race guy with a huge cock. All my ex girlfriends have always been satisfied and say I am the best man they have ever had. I am wanting to get into porn and have done some research on you and thought I would ask you how I can get into it. I’m happy to send some pictures if you like so you can see what you think. Where would I start?

Mark you make me smile, do you know how many times I have been asked this question. I will give you the same reply as I give everyone else. Do you really think you could be a porn star?

The reason I say this is because  many men have said this too me and have not been to the job.

Male performers need to perform for long periods of time, it’s not just a quick shag and it’s over with. What you see on your screen takes long hours to film and even if you can perform you would be amongst many other guys willing to do it for nothing so you will not be paid. To get paid you have to prove yourself and men don’t earn decent money,  I know some who only made 50 pounds a day. You also have to perform an ejaculation on cue, try counting backwards from 10 to 0, when you reach 0 you have to come. It’s not as easy as you think.

I don’t deal with any adult porno companies anymore, and I dont advise entering the industry these days with the power of the internet. If you are still looking I am sure if you google your find one somewhere.